Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Celebrity wisdom

For a while, the Los Angeles Times ran this Thursday Calendar feature asking celebs and close-to-celebs what they would do on an ideal weekend. The actual coffee houses, restaurants and beaches were variables, but it was all pretty stock in trade.

Anyway, a few weeks ago - back when I was a civilian, not a blogger! - they interviewed Bijou Phillips about her perfect weekend. Now, if there are two groups you shouldn't take advice from, one is celebrities and the other is the children of hippies. Bijou manages to meld both of these groups into a super strong alloy of ignorance.

She mentioned that she likes to let her chihuahua skitter free on some of the hiking trails that run through the canyons of Los Angeles. And she doesn't worry that a rogue coyote will snatch up her little dog, explaining that coyotes won't eat chihuahuas because "they respect them as fellow desert dwellers."

What...what does she think coyotes eat in the desert? Thistles? Organic mesclun? Non-native animals that get lost and mistakenly wander into the desert? Like a snowshoe rabbit? A coyote would eat a chihuahua like a chubby receptionist would eat a single M&M. Such a tiny morsel that it wouldn't even register in the food portion of the brain. The coyote would think, "Wait. Did I just eat something? I...I don't think so. Although that certainly would explain the rhinestone collar in my mouth."

I'd like to take Bijou and her hippie spirit of anthropomorthic animals and a literal creationist, put them in a room together and watch them both look down on the other one for being naive.

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