Tuesday, August 7, 2007

The Gay Scale - Part 2

Suggestions are pouring in from across the country, many from actual gays. Suggestions have been vetted by the team's chief researcher, me. Today's new entries follow.

Part 1

94 - Being Clay Aiken.

85 - Buying pump top lube in quantities over 12 ounces. If you're not a doctor, then you are gay.

80 - Whining about traffic while making the drive to Palm Springs in a Sebring convertible. Shut up, you whiny gay. I know your white linen pants are getting wrinkled. We're almost there.

77 - Participating in a heated debate about whether Stephen Sondheim or Andrew Lloyd Webber is better. Man, they're both gay. Why split hairs?

74 - Tea and finger sandwiches with Truman Capote. (NOTE: This is no longer possible. But in 1974, this was the pinnacle of Mt. Gay. Not the rum, the metaphorical concept.)

68 - Watching parties for the Melrose Place box set. Whoever comes late has to make the second round of vodka cocktails.

42 - Knowing what ski poling is.

29 - Having a favorite kind of window treatment.

20 - Egg white omelettes.

13 - Smirnoff Ice.

8 - Forwarding to this list to all of your gay friends and declaring what number is them. Mmm...pretty gay.

3 - Keeping a bottle of vodka in your freezer at all time.

2 - Turning everything into a homoerotic double entendre. Gays simply cannot resist pounding this into the ground. However, homophobes can't either, hence the low rating. If you made a double entendre out of this, you're well on your way to gay!

76 more traits to go!

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