This country is going through an endless relationship cycle. Has been for the past 35 years. Basically, we can't rip ourselves away from Republicans even though we know they're so bad for us. They're selfish, they're unemotional, they're not into art or music or movies, they only care about making money, they're never there for us. They don't like any of the things we like. They're too controlling, they don't like us having fun with our friends. When we try to tell them what we want, they just shut us down. They seem to be ashamed of us at times. Embarrassed to introduce us to their friends. They don't care about anybody but themselves.
But we keep leaving the Democrats and going back to the GOP. Putting them in the White House every decade. Why? Why do we do it? When Democrats are in the White House, we're usually so happy. We get back into our art. Our jobs are good, we have a great time hanging out. Everybody's in such a good mood and the country is just like one big party. Jimmy Carter doesn't count. The Republicans screwed us up so emotionally before him that he was just a rebound. But then the Republicans start in with that sweet talk about tax cuts and national defense and we fall for it every time.
We know by now they're lying. They've burned us so many times before. They're not looking out for us at all. We know the things they say about the economy and domestic threats aren't actually true. But we keep going back. And whenever we do, we're immediately miserable again. Crime goes up, drug use goes up, education goes down, our money disappears. Everybody is tense and unhappy all of the time and we just sit on pins and needles waiting for something terrible to happen. The national mood just plummets.
Yeah, we try to hide it by wearing fun, colorful clothes. But on the inside? We're dying.
Well, you know what? This is it! We won't be fooled again! In 2008, we're going back to the Democrats! They encourage us! Tell us we're good! Massage our temples when we have a headache. When we tell our old Republican partners we have a headache, they say it's our fault and yell at us to stop whining about it. The Democrats are so much sweeter. They really care about who we are.
We're leaving the Republicans for good this time! I don't care what they say in 2012 and 2016. We're not going to let them ruin our lives again! I SWEAR!