Thursday, January 10, 2008

The 2008-2009 NHL Re-Entry Draft

Having coldly disbanded Atlanta, Columbus, Florida, Nashville, Phoenix and Tampa Bay, I'm moving on. Various pundits are comparing me to Kenesaw Mountain Landis, George Washington, Andrew Jackson and Chainsaw Al Dunlap. Hockey has been talked about on PTI for five straight days, a new record. My press conferences are more eagerly awaited than new Beatles albums in the '60s. Things are going well for the NHL.

But those six teams had players. Some of them were good players. And because I prefer order to frenzy, the remaining 24 teams are having a re-entry draft for players from contracted teams. Existing contracts will not count against a drafting team's salary cap for the life of that contract.

Using the league standings from 1/10/08, let's get this three-round draft underway, live from Radio City Music Hall! (NOTE: A four-round draft for contracted teams' prospects will not be televised, nor imagined by me.)

ROUND 1
1) Los Angeles Kings - Vincent Lecavalier
2) Toronto Maple Leafs - Ilya Kovalchuk
3) Washington Capitals - Marian Hossa
4) Edmonton Oilers - Rick Nash
5) Chicago Blackhawks - Olli Jokinen
6) Buffalo Sabres - Peter Mueller
7) New York Rangers - Martin St. Louis
8) New York Islanders - Tobias Enstrom
9) Boston Bruins - Brad Richards
10) Philadelphia Flyers - Jason Arnott
11) Colorado Avalanche - Alexander Radulov
12) St. Louis Blues - Jay Bouwmeester
13) Carolina Hurricanes - Ed Jovanovski
14) Minnesota Wild - Ryan Suter
15) Montreal Canadiens - Vaclav Prospal
16) Pittsburgh Penguins - Shane O'Brien
17) Calgary Flames - Ron Hainsey
18) New Jersey Devils - Martin Hanzal
19) Anaheim Ducks - Colin Stuart
20) Vancouver Canucks - Fredrik Sjostrom
21) San Jose Sharks - Dan Boyle
22) Dallas Stars - Nathan Horton
23) Ottawa Senators - Ilya Bryzgalov
24) Detroit Red Wings - Nikolai Zherdev


ROUND 2
1) Los Angeles Kings - Kari Lehtonen

2) Toronto Maple Leafs - Marek Zidlicky
3) Washington Capitals - Slava Kozlov
4) Edmonton Oilers - Pascal Leclaire
5) Chicago Blackhawks - David Booth
6) Buffalo Sabres - Dan Hamhuis
7) New York Rangers - Shane Doan
8) New York Islanders - J.P. Dumont
9) Boston Bruins - David Vyborny
10) Philadelphia Flyers - Daniel Carcillo
11) Colorado Avalanche - Shea Weber
12) St. Louis Blues - Steve Sullivan
13) Carolina Hurricanes - Martin Erat
14) Minnesota Wild - Stephen Weiss
15) Montreal Canadiens - Tomas Vokoun
16) Pittsburgh Penguins - David Legwand
17) Calgary Flames - Todd White
18) New Jersey Devils - Filip Kuba
19) Anaheim Ducks - Nick Boynton
20) Vancouver Canucks - Derek Morris
21) San Jose Sharks - Jiri Novotny
22) Dallas Stars - Sergei Federov
23) Ottawa Senators - Bryan Allen
24) Detroit Red Wings - Dan Ellis



ROUND 3
1) Los Angeles Kings - Alexei Zhitnik

2) Toronto Maple Leafs - Karri Ramo
3) Washington Capitals - Rostislav Klesla
4) Edmonton Oilers - Ville Peltonen
5) Chicago Blackhawks - Vernon Fiddler
6) Buffalo Sabres - Mike Zigomanis
7) New York Rangers - Adam Foote
8) New York Islanders - Keith Ballard
9) Boston Bruins - Cory Murphy
10) Philadelphia Flyers - Jared Boll
11) Colorado Avalanche - Dan Fritsche
12) St. Louis Blues - Niclas Havelid
13) Carolina Hurricanes - Ryan Craig
14) Minnesota Wild - Paul Ranger
15) Montreal Canadiens - Mathieu Darche
16) Pittsburgh Penguins - Duvie Wescott
17) Calgary Flames - Brett McLean
18) New Jersey Devils - Noah Welch
19) Anaheim Ducks - Greg de Vries
20) Vancouver Canucks - Mathias Tjarnqvist
21) San Jose Sharks - Pascal Dupuis
22) Dallas Stars - Brad Larsen
23) Ottawa Senators - Jason Chimera
24) Detroit Red Wings - Garnett Exelby


The smarter teams immediately waive three players that are taking up cap room and roster space with their terribleness. The Kings immediately start looking to trade Lecavalier so they don't have to worry about resigning him in five years. The Flyers sign all of the undrafted goons and hold a round robin brawl to decide which guy makes the team. And the Leafs continue to suck, even though they've finally gotten a scoring winger for Mats Sundin.

ESPN begs me to sign a deal with them and I demand Tuesday and Thursday doubleheaders, plus a Hockey Night in America Saturday feature. My demands are met.

Meanwhile, Gary Bettman has since become a lobbyist for the oil industry. Congress immediately raises CAFE standards in 50 miles per gallon and demands an all-ethanol automotive fleet by 2015.

1 comment:

Tracy said...

And just like that my favorite team was disbanded and I became a Buffalo fan... sad, sad day.

Even in the land of imagination I can't get a good day.