As one of 15 Americans who subscribes to DirecTV's Center Ice package, I get a few perks: A personal phone call from Gary Bettman, an IRS deduction for a charitable contribution and access to Canadian broadcasts.
That last one comes with a subset of additional benefits: Announcers who know what they're talking about and Canadian commercials. All Canadian commercials can be broken down into five categories.
- Beer ads
- Ads featuring kids playing in the snow
- Ads for Tim Horton's
- Ultra low grade ads for local businesses like Dunphy's, the official storage shed store of Prince Edward's Island
- Fast food ads
And because Canadian law apparently features a truth in advertising clause, you can't just say "cheese", you have to say "processed cheese". And because it's in Canada, you can't just say, "processed", you have to say "PROE-cessed."
"We take a 150-gram all-beef patty, top it with proe-cessed cheese and our special chipotle mayonnaise!"
Sounds awesome! I'd better log on to mcdonalds.ca to find a location near me!