Hey Jesus, what's cracking? Just wanted to fire you a quick note reminding you that you only have one more chance to make the Patriots lose. I know you're familiar with American football because you have so many fans in the league, but I still want to make it clear that if the AFC loses the Pro Bowl, that doesn't count. Especially because Tom Brady might skip the thing. Speaking of which, if he does skip it, he'll probably lie about an injury to get out of his responsibilities, and I know you don't dig lying too much.
Knowing you're a wise man, I'm digging your strategy of having the Patriots lose in the Super Bowl, one of the biggest stages in the world. That way, more people will receive your message that if you cheat with human growth hormone like Rodney Harrison, or covet your neighbor's wife like Bill Belichick or swell up with too much pride like the whole franchise, you cannot prosper. You always have been one step ahead, Jesus.
A lot of people think you're laying the groundwork with Tom Brady's ankle sprain. That way, you can tweak it next Sunday and people won't even notice your handiwork. I think this is unlikely, though, because I know for a stone cold fact that Matt Cassel is praying every second of every day that Brady doesn't get hurt.
Oh, did you know that New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin is a devout Christian? Of course you did. Maybe you'd like to reward him for his years of selfless dedication.
All right, dude, I'll let you go. I know your plate is full. Can't wait to see what you do next week!