Wednesday, January 9, 2008

"I'm Italian, so..."

First off, let me just say I love the Italians*, even if they thought tomatoes were poisonous for about 100 years. The crazy kooks. But there's this one thing they all do and it's so crazy and mysterious that I can't get enough. Wife beating? What? No! Jesus!

No, I'm talking about how Italians love explain even their most basic behaviors by virtue of their Italianosity. Also known as Italianness.

"Excuse me, why are you yelling? We're inside."
"Oh. Well, I'm Italian, so I talk loudly when I'm upset!"

Oh. Interesting. You raise your voice when angry. What a unique character trait only found in your lineage.

"Well, I'm Italian, so I really like red wine."

Okay, I see. I know most of us hate the sulphuric stench of red wine, but good to know your DNA has a special genome that allows you to choke it down.

"Oh, my hands? I'm Italian, so I move my hands a lot when I talk, you know?"

Uh huh, uh huh. I do know. This is all starting to make sense now.

"What can I say? I'm Italian, so I'm protective of my sister."

The Italians! A unique and interesting people who do things nobody else does because they're not Italian! Bene!

(* - Offer not valid in the New York / New Jersey tri-state area)

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