Monday, January 14, 2008

Sex Dreams About Elisabeth Hasselbeck Are Not That Great

Being a healthy, virile man, my REM sleep will sometimes contain sexual imagery. Thanks to the amount of celebrity gossip websites I look at, Elisabeth Hasselbeck had been pinging around in my subconscious and I guess it was her turn to take a whirl.

The thing is, in a wild sexual fantasy, Elisabeth Hasselbeck is just as uptight and prudish and difficult as you might imagine her to be in real life. She's not into anything and seems to treat sex as a chore that must be tended to so it can be crossed off of the list. This does not make for wild times. Every move I tried was met with hand blocking, frowns and "No, no." And I don't mean wild stuff, either. The basics!

This was the first sex dream ever that involved missionary under the covers with the lights off.

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