Tuesday, January 1, 2008

You've Been Shelved!

You want 2008 to be cool, right? 2007 was basically old lady tits, and that is bad. All wrinkled and flappy, looking like two fried eggs and smelling like the bacon. Terrible. Terrible year, 2007 was. Way to not go, everybody.

The first step in making 2008 cool is retiring something donk from 2007. At the end of 2006, I officially retired Namey McNamerson. That joke template where somebody puts a Y and a Mc on a name and think they've made an introspective comment. "You like those french fries, huh? You're a real Frenchy McFrenchfries. You eat too many and you'll be a Fatty McFattersons."

I put the kibosh on that on 1/1/07. It was done. Anybody who used that joke after 12:01am was officially lame.

So what will it be for this year? What was so incredibly overused in 2007 that it has to be officially put out to pasture before we all go insane? Britney's snatch? Nice one, dude. No, in '08 we're retiring that move where you point at your eyes with two fingers and then turn your hand around to point at somebody else's eyes, as if to say, "I'm watching you, bucko."

That move is lame and is officially cashed. See ya, move! See ya!

Now, when you take, you gotta give. So what's new for 2008? The word dildo. It will begin to replace douche as an insult this year. Hopefully this happens with minimal fuss and I don't have to take the drastic step of retiring the word douche next year. Don't be a total dildo and continuing calling people douches until August. Just...don't do it.

Now get out there and '08 it up!

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