Tuesday, April 8, 2008

From The Pizza Hut Test Kitchen

As we all know, Pizza Hut has mastered pizza innovation over the past fifteen years. While boring people think pizza perfection has been attained, the MBAs at Yum! Brands know there's always a way to reinvent the wheel. Reinvent and reimprove. Cheese on the crust...cheese in the crust...toppings under the cheese...sauce on top of everything...crust that is also a bread stick...giant pizza...pizza with sentient thought...pizza divided into four squares with four toppings...pizza topped with a second pizza. Their fertile imaginations never do stop and whenever they grace us with their latest invention, America rejoices, for pizza is fun again!

The fine folks in Golden, Colorado have recently taken a page from Pizza Hut's book and have started reinventing their flagship beer. No, it doesn't taste better. That's not the kind of improvement they're after. Instead, they've invented a vent can so when you're wasted and pouring your Coors Light straight down into a plastic cup on the lawn while pissing, you don't end up with an all-head beer.

Also, for accident victims that have lost their tactile sense, part of the Coors Light bottle label turns blue when the beer is properly chilled. It is very hard to tell when something is cold simply by touching it, so this has been a monumental leap forward for humankind.

Personally, I cannot wait for the day the Edison and Michelangelo of corporate innovation join forces and make the great leap forward. Pizza Hut pizza with a ring of Coors Light inside the crust! Every bite of crust delivers an icy, refreshing blast of Coors Light right into your gullet! Mmm!

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