Tuesday, June 24, 2008

John McCain Is A Lover Of Women

To borrow a rhetorical device from Fox News, some people say that John McCain is a crazy old codger who doesn't believe in anything but getting elected. Some people say that John McCain will say absolutely anything, even if it directly contradicts what he's said in the past. Some people say that John McCain as President will bomb Iran and then accidentally bomb Yemen also because he's so old and confused and his eyes are so bad he can't read a map. Some people say that every time John McCain speaks, he hurts his own cause, as his thoughts are so remarkably foolish and stupid. Some people say John McCain is possibly just a little smidge of insane. Some people say if your football goes over the fence and lands on Old Man McCain's lawn, you'll never get it back. Some people say that John McCain hates women. Well, that's ridiculous, sir! John McCain is a lover of women.

For instance, John McCain supports equal pay for women in the workplace, assuming that they get more education and training. While it's okay for men to go to college and then blindly enter the workforce, McCain would like to see women go to college and then have another 1-2 years of training before getting a job. Then and only then, will women deserve equal pay. You see, women are naturally inferior, so it only stands to reason that they need more collegin' than men do.

McCain is also not afraid to give a woman a chance to make it on her own. While he was being tortured as a POW in Vietnam, his first wife, Carol, patiently waited for him to return home while raising their children. This was pathetic, clingy, needy behavior and John McCain would nip it right in the bud. Also, because Carol McCain did not have enough driver's education and training, she crashed her car one icy night and was almost killed. After radical surgery and a lengthy hospital stay, Carol was four inches shorter and fifty pounds heavier. She still had children to raise and her husband was still imprisoned in Vietnam.

When McCain returned to America and saw his wife's new body, heard about all she had been through and thought about how she waited for him without bringing a new man into her life, he thought she was pretty strong, but not incredibly strong. So the 40-year old John McCain left the mother of his children for 25-year old beer heiress. To help his first wife grow stronger and more independent than she had been over the last five years. Tell me that's not somebody who thinks women can be equal to men! Tell me, I dares ya!

The beer heiress, who you may have seen in the newspaper lately, funded McCain's first run for office and here he is, a couple of decades later, on the cusp of the White House. But John McCain didn't want his new wife to grow weak. He didn't want her to desperately need further education and training. So he made sure to occasionally cut her down to make her strong. To prune her tree so that more fruit may grow. For instance, when...

In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, 'You're getting a little thin up there.' McCain's face reddened, and he responded, 'At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt.' McCain's excuse was that it had been a long day.

I hear you, bro. Every day is a long day when you have to put up with some woman, right? Hoo boy.

So, women of America, if you want to be stronger and challenged head on every day, if you want to go through another year or two of higher education and training so that you may be paid the same as a man, vote for John McCain! And if you think this more education and training thing is just pap, just remember that John McCain ranked 790th out of 795 students in his 1958 Naval class, but through decades of training, he's made it this far!

No comments: