Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Why I Drink

A study came out a few months ago showing that a person's caffeine and alcohol consumption spikes up when they have one child, rises even higher when they have a second and then plateaus through the third, fourth and beyond. Although I did not participate in the study, I don't have a lab coat, scientific training or a government grant, anecdotally, I can tell you this is very much true.

But why? Why do I drink more now? Perhaps it's because after slogging through forty minutes of traffic to get home, the little tot is fatigued and cranky. And the wife is still tinkering on a home project, so I have to chase the tot around. "I wanna go outside!" Okay, go outside. No, don't step on the herb garden, please. Don't eat that rock, please. Don't step on the sliding glass door that your mother has popped out of the jamb as part of her project, please. Let's go back inside before you get hurt. Why are you crying? You want your shoes off? Okay, let me take them off. No, I'll do it. Your mother is still on working on her project even though we're home and she had all day to do it.

You want juice? Okay, let me get you some juice. I heard you. I'm getting it. The cat, who hasn't been fed dinner yet, spots me in the kitchen and launches into action. Mewl. Mewl. Mewl. Mewl. Mewl. Mewl. Mewl. Mewl. Mewl. Mewl. Allow me to provide a handy cat to human translation here. Food please. Food please. Food please. Food please. Food please. Food please. Food please. Food please. Food please. Food please. No, I won't sit down on the couch, sweetie. Yes, come on, come on. I hear you. I am following you. Okay. Yes, I'll sit here on the floor. And that is why I opened a $14 bottle of Mark West Pinot Noir last night and knocked off 3/4ths of it with dinner. And why that is not a rare occurrence by any means. And why I'm already wondering what I'm going to have to drink tonight when I get home.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

grain alcohol is cheaper and kills your lilver faster. try it.