Thursday, July 10, 2008

C.R.E.A.M.

Who could ever forget my fantastic recipe for summer tuna pasta? I'll answer my own rhetorical. Nobody could. But the other night, I came up with a creamy alternate that could possssssibly be better than the original. Onward and upward!

Here's what you'll need to greatly impress your dining companion(s).

- A box of pasta. It should be shells or rigatoni or orrechiette or something that can scoop up sauce in its li'l pockets.
- Two cans of good tuna in olive oil
- Grape tomatoes
- Chopped fresh basil and italian parsley
- Shredded parmesan
- Chili flakes
- A can of white beans
- Three cloves of minced garlic
- 1/4 cup of diced yellow or white onion
- Salt and pepper
- 1 cup of heavy cream
- A bottle of nice white wine. May I recommend the Beaulieu Vineyards Pinot Grigio? I may? Oh, thank you.

Okay, here's how you make the magic happen.

- Open the wine and pour yourself a glass. Personally, I like to drink when I'm cooking. I also like to drink when I'm not cooking. I enjoy drinking in general.
- Boil some water and make the pasta.
- Drain the beans, then season with salt and pepper.
- Open one can of tuna and pour the oil into a pan that isn't non-stick. A stick pan, I guess. You know what I'm talking about. Heat it up. Drain the other can of tuna.
- Add the diced onion to the oil and sweat over medium low heat until it softens. That'll be about 6-8 minutes. Don't let it brown.
- Add the garlic to the pan, let it soften for uno minuto o dos minutos.
- Add the chopped basil and parsley to the pan and stir.
- Pour the cream into the pan. We've gone over how to reduce cream into sauce before, but you probably don't remember since you never listen to me. Basically, moderate the heat and keep stirring. If it bubbles up and over and the fat separates from the liquid, it's goodbye nice dinner. If it's bubbling like racial tension in the '60s, either turn down the heat or remove the pan from the flame until the scene cools down.
- Probably need a second glass of wine by this point. I know I would. Don't be shy. Wine is good for you.
- Chop up the tomatoes and add them to the pan. As many tomatoes as will suit your tastes. At least a cup, though.
- When the pasta is done, throw it in a large bowl.
- As the sauce thickens, add 1/4 cup of the shredded parmesan. This will thicken it even more. Ladies like thick more than long from what I hear. Too bad I'm long.
- Keep working that sauce until it's as thick as you want. Taste it and add salt and pepper as needed. You know sauce is thick when you drag your wooden spoon through the sauce and a trail of bare ass pan is left behind.
- Throw the beans over the pasta, then both cans of tuna, then the sauce and finally sprinkle the whole hot mess with chili flakes. Again, as much as will suit your tastes.
- Mix the whole thing up, portion into bowls and let the compliments roll in. If the compliments don't roll in, screw it, you have a nice wine buzz going. Don't let those dead tongues knock you off of your cloud, just don't invite them over to dinner again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think it's charming that you could work a sexual innuendo into a posting about making a nice pasta dinner!