Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Good News, Everybody!

When Russia responded with overwhelming force to Georgia's incursion into South Ossetia, it was a disorienting time. Was the Cold War back on? Should we be concerned that Russia is openly indicating that they think we're weak and ineffectual, being bogged down in Iraq? Would Dick Cheney try to steal the nuclear codes from Bush and nuke Moscow? Should we be embarrassed that we literally could not do a thing to Russia besides politely asking them to stop it?

Well, worry no more, friends. Cindy McCain is heading to Georgia! She is going to assess the casualties. I assume that means she will get on the phone tomorrow night and say, "Yes, John. There have been some casualties. Yes, like the newspapers reported. I would email you photos, but you can't use a computer." Mrs. McCain has also worked against landmines in the past, so it is likely that she will ask the Georgians to dig up the landmines they planted to stop Russian tanks. Sure, that'll be an uncomfortable chat because we are allies with the Georgians and they can't stop Russian tanks any other way - or at all - but like Princess Diana, she is greatly committed to a cause that everybody else believes in.

So sleep easy tonight, Americans! Although the world is a large and scary place, the daughter of a guy who started up an Arizona beer distributorship is on the case!

And if you think it's one remarkable coincidence that Cindy McCain's trip to make sure everybody in Georgia is okay was announced the same night as Michelle Obama's speech (which didn't at all clarify her stance on land mines), you are a cynic. A blackhearted cynic. So cynical, in fact, that you are expecting Cindy McCain to adopt a freshly orphaned Georgian this weekend in a political stunt to top Bob Roberts' staged assassination attempt. Shame on you.

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