Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Ol' Good News, Bad News

My late round fantasy football picks never work out. My early round and middle round picks don't have the finest track record either, but my late round picks rarely see the roster by Week 2. But before the WVFL draft, Rotoworld hipped me to the fact that Chris Perry might end up being the starter in Cincinnati. I used a 10th rounder on him. My last pick before taking a DST and a K.

Then Perry started getting more preseason carries. I started looking like a genius. And my heart skipped a beat when I saw the following headline:

Report: Bengals are shopping Rudi Johnson

Oh, Lordy Lordy hot sex on a platter! Feeling faint (from the skipped heartbeat, see) and with quivering finger, I clicked on the link. No doubt friends would be sending trade offers (Bro, Peyton for Perry?) or just straight up congratulating me on nabbing a starting back with a 10th round pick.

Then I read the story.

Then I saw the bad news.

ESPN's Chris Mortensen was the one reporting this trade rumor. In other words...it was false.

The same Chris Mortensen who said this weekend that the Cardinals named Kurt Warner the starter. One day before Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt said ESPN didn't know what they were talking about. The same Chris Mortensen who continually breaks stories that turn out to be incorrect.

Sure enough, today I see this. Bengals coach Marvin Lewis saying Rudi could earn his starting job back in the final preseason game.

On one side, I have Marvin Lewis, who said the Bengals would never bring Chris Henry back...six months before they brought him back. On the other, I have Chris Mortensen, who either flat out makes stuff up or is lied to by NFL insiders as some grand prank.

Look, I stopped watching SportsCenter seven years ago when I realized I didn't care about the Budweiser Hot Seat. About the only thing I watch on ESPN ever is Monday Night Football, and that is excruciating with the sound on. I maybe was one of the first people on this bandwagon, but I'm not the only one out there who thinks that ESPN sucks. But if I think a story isn't true BECAUSE it was reported by a certain ESPN personality, maybe that's a problem. I'm more willing to believe the Chinese gymnasts are 16 than I am to believe any story Mortensen breaks.

Bottom line is, because he's a Ladybug in 2008, Chris Perry will not do a damn thing.

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