Tuesday, September 23, 2008

WVFL Week 3 Review

The preview picks went 6-1 this week, very slightly easing the sting of the following score.

Purple Swirls 108 - Lake Balboa Ladybugs 75

In what can only be considered a minor upset, Jerricho Cotchery didn't score 41 points on Monday night and the Ladybugs did not pull off a rousing comeback. Things are bad in Lake Balboa and only getting worse as Shockey went down with a sports hernia before posting a touchdown this season. The Ladybugs have 174 points thus far, but 78 have come from monster efforts from McNabb, Boldin and Addai in Weeks 1, 2 and 3, respectively. This bad team is even worse off than it seems. And although I could've beaten five WVFL teams this week, just like I don't want my daughter to touch the hot stove, I don't want the Ladybugs to win with such a puky effort. No, it should be punished. That would be the correct and proper thing.

And on the positive side, I didn't waste a good week while getting steamrolled by Caulen. Julius Jones got revenge for a year's worth of snide comments with a 20-point effort, and Houshmanzadeh went from 6 total points on the season to 26. Things went so well for the Swirls that even their QB shuffling of Garrard (5 points in Week 3) to Edwards (12) to O'Sullivan (18) worked out perfectly. Shoot, the Minnesota D put up a touchdown. Things went so well, in fact, that the possibility of Brian Westbrook missing a lot of games with a bad ankle hasn't even been noticed yet at Swirls HQ. There's one more bottle of Alize to get through first.

LetsGoPens 100 - The People's Elbow 90

Nate needed the San Diego defense to score six points or less to hang on for the win, but even in these times where 700,000,000,000 gets tossed around as a casual number and Tyler Thigpen can start the game 1 of 10 for -1 yard passing, in a time when numbers don't seem to mean anything, 17 is still more than 6. How did San Diego put up so many points on defense? Ronnie Brown secretly suited up as a Charger and got it done.

Speaking of Ronnie Brown, he ran for 4 TDs and threw for another as the centerpiece of a 1920s-style offense. His 39 fantasy points are the equivalent of 2 points in 1925 when reverse adjusted for inflation, but keep in mind, in 1925, most fantasy games ended in a 5-5 tie. Also, back then for a quarter, you could watch two plays, have dinner, get a haircut, pay the WVFL entry fee and still get a nickel back! The sad part of our history lesson? Blacks like Ronnie Brown weren't even allowed to know football existed in 1925.

Not only did Ronnie carry the Pens to a victory like Ronnie Francis, he kept the locker room together by not pointing out that Bulger, Owens, Calvin Johnson, Portis, Heap and McFadden combined for 33 points, 6 fewer than his own total. Though, believe me, had the Charger DST not wrapped up the win, Ronnie would have definitely brought it up in film study on Monday.

As for the Elbow, when your prone opponent rolls away at the last second, your flying shiver to the mat really hurts. As frustrating as it was for you to watch the Steelers game yesterday, Nate was getting 0 points out of Roethlisberger. On another note, in 2007, Frank Gore had five rushing touchdowns. He already has three in 2008. I cannot recommend drafting Joseph Addai in 2009 strongly enough. I keep pointing out that Michael Jenkins is done catching touchdowns. His season has literally been all downhill since his first catch of the season, but Brandon Marshall is doing more than enough to carry the load. Actually, maybe not more than enough. The Elbow lost.

Newbomb Turk 73 - Brookline Bucs 69

I hope you didn't miss a good day from Larry Johnson and a Newbomb win, because it could be quite a while before you see either again. Skip Henry's desperate plea for Chris Chambers to break his leg wasn't answered. Chambers actually scored an early touchdown to put this game on the salt, proving that there is a God. Or, perhaps, proving that there isn't. A real theological stumper in the WVFL!

Since Tradegate 2008, Randy Moss has scored 4 points and Selvin Young has 13. Sure, I could point out that with Moss on another team and Young starting at W/R this week, the Bucs win 74-73. Sure, I could also point out that I caught chunks of the Pats game Sunday and chunks is a good way to describe Matt Cassell. He missed a 2-yard swing screen by three yards and on one throw across the middle, Moss short armed it so hard that his biceps actually retreated into his body. Sure, I could point out that Bill Belichick is already addressing concerns that Randy Moss has quit on his team. In fact, while I'm pointing all of this out, allow to me to stop for a moment and thank you all for shooting down the trade.

But this isn't all your fault, some of it is Skip Henry's as well. James and Williams combined for 9 points and Edwards and Taylor combined for 14. You might recall that those chaps were traded for each during the week. (9/19/08 - The chances of somebody beating his former team are about 104%. And that former team will be staring at an 0-3 record and wondering why they didn't wait five more days for an utterly meaningless trade.) Hey, I just write it, people! I don't make it happen!

As for the winner of the trade and the game, TK was happy to get Fred Taylor against a bad Colts defense made worse by the non-presence of Bob Sanders. And with Larry Johnson obviously inspired by the trade of Edgerrin, look for SUBJ: Michael Pittman? to hit your emailboxes tomorrow morning.

Crafton Tough Kids 98 - St. A's Crusaders 60

Although the league votes were even, the game itself was not. The New England defense got lit up so badly that they posted a -4. When you're losing points in fantasy, things are not going your way. Drew Brees took advantage of the Super Bowl chance-ruining Bronco defense with 24 points and (not Randy) Moss had another touchdown for 13 points, but after that, things collapsed like an investment bank leveraged in the mortgage market. You don't need an MBA to know that some people have bad credit for a reason and you don't need a slide rule to know that 7 positions combining for 20 points isn't going to win too many ball games.

We all know Marion Barber is good and scores touchdowns. That is a boring subject, so let's discuss something else about him. Why does he wear his facemask so close to his face? Isn't he just asking for a busted schnozz? This has bothered me since he came into the league. I'm not sure what else to say here. When you put up touchdowns all over the roster, you are probably going to win. Things are going so well for Crafton that LenDale White is cracking 10 points each week on something like one carry.

Iron City Pounders 84 - Atlas Shruggz 69

Atlas Shruggz is like the mail guy in your office building. He's kinda slow and people assume he was a little undercooked at birth, but nobody knows exactly what's wrong with him, if anything. Then you feel guilty for simply assuming he's retarded and you smile extra wide at him the next time he's coming out of the bathroom when you're going in. What I'm saying is, like the self-sufficient, not-sure-what-his-deal-is mailroom guy, Atlas Shruggz inspires me. Every time I think I have it so rough in the WVFL, every time I want to quit and trade my whole team away, I look at him and smile. At least I'm not him, I think.

Though maybe I'd be lucky to be him, because replacing Brady with Rivers is a pretty neat trick. Rivers had 21 points Monday night, but the deficit was simply too large for Atlas to catch up. Thanks a lot, Deuce McAllister! Way to never touch the field Sunday! Nice zero! Oh, speaking of slow in the head, Chad Johnson is putting together quite a season.

The huge-assed backfield of Turner and Jones-Drew was also ample of point this week. They combined for 49, more than making up for the 5 points Holmes and Bryant Johnson spent all day on. Kevin Smith was really excited about the win because now nobody will noticed that he only had 1 point while Steve Slaton had 17 on the bench.

Lowcountry All Stars 104 - Deathfromabove 71

I read about an interesting study Monday. The crux was, incompetent people don't realize how incompetent they are. Perhaps an obvious thought, but now proven. The conclusions were that incompetent people overestimate their own skill level, fail to realize skill in others and also fail to realize the extremity of their inadequency. I would like to add a note to this conclusion. When incompetent people enjoy fluky luck, whether in winning the Presidency or leaping out to 3-0 record with the most points in the league, their smugness becomes completely unbearable.

And that brings us to the All Stars. 23 points from Lynch, 24 from Bush and 24 from the Philly defense on the strength of 9 sacks. Wayne, Evans, L.J. Smith, Morris and Rackers combined for 18 points and even if they combined for -1, the All Stars still would've won comfortably.

Like the Steelers wondering where they stand after looking bad in a benchmark game, DFA has to be wondering just how good they are after this one. Though Burress and Peterson won't be so quiet very often this year.

By the way, if you were growing more and more frustrated while reading the intro to this game capsule, clenching your fists and yelling at the screen, "You idiot! You're incompetent! You don't realize that you suck, you always expect to be good and you fail to realize Webster's skill! You're such an idiot that you're turning the study from a theory to law without even realizing it! Gah! I hate you!"...ha! I set you up. I'm only too aware of my own inadequencies, believe me. But congratulations on your reading comprehension and intelligence.

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