Lake Balboa Ladybugs 112 - Crafton Tough Kids 47
On Saturday, I was discussing fantasy football with a friend as he agonized over whether he should start Braylon Edwards or Rashard Mendenhall at W/R. I said his problems were minor and recounted my Week 4 starting lineup to him. Before I even got to DeSean Jackson at W/R, he started laughing. I asked why and he Selvin Young, Tim Hightower and Zach Miller in succession were hilarious. He wondered if I was in a 20-team league. My lineup was literally funnier than Jay Mohr.
Well, that ragtag bunch of misfits and fill-ins went out and scored the most points in the league this week while my friend started Mendenhall and lost by 40. For the 300th time, nobody ever knows what will happen in fantasy football. Including me. I'm now 2-2 and the two times I'd thought I'd win and the two times I thought I'd lose have been completely backwards.
The receivers got it done for me this week as Boldin, Cotchery and Jackson combined for 47 points. I should probably relish the points from 15 Boldin, because he might be out a while, continuing an ongoing Ladybug theme.
The Tough Kids found out at 1:01pm that Palmer was out, one minute after the rosters locked. Luckily, it didn't matter. Luckily for peace of mind purposes, I mean. Matt Prater led the way with 17 points, and when your kicker is your toughest guy, maybe your neighborhood is getting by on reputation. The Tough Kids needed 71 points from Ward and Miller Monday night to win. They didn't even get 71 yards.
If you double the Crafton score, they still lost by 18.
St. A's Crusaders 87 - The People's Elbow 83
In Jerry Porter's first game of the year, he notched 1 catch for 6 yards. Porter on the Elbow is starting to take on Millen on the Lions proportions. The brain trust at PE HQ is still ferociously debating what hurts more. Getting 0s from Porter and Felix Jones, or leaving 36 points from Garrard and Mason on the bench in a 4-point loss. They'll be mulling that one over for some time to come.
The Crusaders are ready to put Ryan Grant in a box and ship him back to wherever he came from before busting out last season, but the chuckalicious Drew Brees saved the week from being a total disaster. It would be fun if Ben's accidental slippage on the early interception decided this game, but it didn't. St. A's still would've won by a point. Which is fine. Nate has enough close calls to worry about.
Newbomb Turk 96 - LetsGoPens 62
This game is the WVFL equivalent of Denver/Kansas City. Larry Johnson has a huge day and carries a terrible team to a surprise win. Johnson had 33 points, Romo added 23 and no other Turk had the moxie to crack double digits. In fact, Johnson and Romo's 56 is more than the 40 everybody else teamed up for. Like if the other two Beatles were just session players.
Todd Heap did not put up the 36 points the Pens needed from him. In fact, he did not put up any points. It seems that Heap went on to the WVFL site this morning and saw the "Heap is garbage" quote from his very own coach and decided to prove a point.
Brookline Bucs 71 - Vanduhlay industries 54
Both donut shops got their first wins this week, and I don't want to say Brookline got lucky, but...they got incredibly lucky. Things were so busy at the Vanduhlay offices that Riggs didn't have time to bench Brandon Jacobs (bye) in favor of Steven Jackson. So Jackson's 24 points just sat there on the bench not counting for anything. The only silver lining is that Vanduhlay can write this charitable donation off on their taxes. Not to mention the fact that Fargas has been injured for three weeks and still started and Tatum Bell is still on the roster even though he's not on an NFL one. Hey, somebody run by the Vanduhlay building tomorrow and make sure there wasn't a mass suicide because of the downturn in the credit market.
But let's also focus on Brookline, heartily celebrating their first win. Fred Jackson had a touchdown. Bully for him.
Atlas Shruggz 89 - Purple Swirls 85
Although Westbrook was a late scratch, it had no effect on the Swirls because they had no other option. What had a greater effect was all but three starters having good days and the three bums combining for 9 points in a 4-point loss. The surprise scratch of Carson Palmer didn't hurt the Tough Kids, but it killed the Purple Houshes.
Of course, Chad Johnson wasn't much better and Atlas still won. Mainly thanks to 14 very, very, very surprising points from Deuce McAllister. Four points from Deuce would've been very surprising, so 14 points gets three verys.
Iron City Pounder 75 - Lowcountry All-Stars 64
The macarena. Clear beverages. Stuffed crust pizza. Not all trends last forever. Add the All-Stars lighting it up to that list. Lee Evans kept things even mildly respectable with a late touchdown, but 7 positions combined for 36 points. Like the Denver Broncos, people are now wondering if they got too excited by calling the All-Stars an early favorite.
It's not bad when your receivers average 14 points for the week, but you'd like to see a more even distribution than 28-0. Donald Driver is watching footage of Favre to Coles and remembering when he used to score points. Robert Royal, of course, has no recollection of ever scoring points. Speaking of Favre to Coles, the 0 from the Arizona defense has to be considered a success in the face of 56 points allowed.
Stringfellow Hawks 103 - Deathfromabove 95
DFA takes home the coveted 3rd Highest Points Of The Week And Still A Loser Award. They had more than twice as many points as Crafton, but that doesn't matter one damn bit. Amazingly, in the highest scoring game of the week by far, 9 players had under single digits, there were two 0s, a 1 and two 3s. Nine players combined for 162 points. The other nine had only 36.
What's even more remarkable is that Stringfellow got 0 from McGahee, 1 from Stuckey, 3 from Sproles and 5 from Winslow and still put up 103. I tell you, a deregulated trickle down scoring system does not work in the WVFL. The rich stay rich!