Newbomb Turk 89 - Lake Balboa Ladybugs 67
Coming into Monday night, I needed Braylon Edwards to stay under 50 yards receiving. Not unreasonable, considering how disappointing he and the Browns have been this year. Edwards had 129 yards receiving in the first half, which is more than he's had all season.
Colston being listed to play until Sunday morning. Addai getting hurt on the first drive. Edwards finally showing up for a game. An 86-yard touchdown catch by Bernard Berrian in a terrible 12-10 game. At least I'm not hexed or anything. And I really needed this win to go 3-3, because between injuries and byes, I literally might not be able to field a full roster in Week 7.
The good news is, between my inherent jinxiness and the refusal of anybody to trade, I realize my season is already lost and I can stop worrying about it. It'll be a nice chance of pace.
Joseph Addai's 0 was bad, but LeRon McClain's -2 was actual the worst effort in this game. Fortunately for LeLe, 22 from Romo, 27 from Edwards and 19 from Berrian means that no reporters are huddled around his locker, asking about that -2. You know how many points Braylon Edwards had on the season before putting up 27 tonight? 14. 14! Less than 3 a week.
Two teams that I thought would be winless this season are 4-2 and a team I thought was decent is 2-4. I should stop pretending that I know what I'm talking about.
The People's Elbow 72 - Atlas Shruggz 67
Jamarcus Russell was hired as a desperate situation starter for the Elbow. Now, if I did that, Russell would've put up 4 points, just like he did for Nate, but my defense wouldn't have saved the day with 21 points. Frank Gore continues dominating after taking 2007 off and while every other Elbow except Graham was a huge bust, it doesn't matter.
God, I'm so bitter. I'm going to die angry, alone and young.
As for the Shruggz, Philip Rivers was chucking the ball like a madman, and he's been a great fill-in for Brady. Speaking of which, it seemed like the Shruggz season was lost when Brady went down, but maybe it was doomed either way. Chad Johnson has been abysmal and Jonathan Stewart mixes in one great week with two bad weeks. Atlas, if you're mad at Maroney, trade him to me. He'll be hurt within a week. And you should be mad at him, because if you started Deuce over Maroney, you would've won 73-72.
St. A's Crusaders 72 - Brookline Bucs 60
The loser of this game was going to be shut down by the Diocese of Pittsburgh, so this is a tough one for Brookline to take. But as much as you hate to see tradition fall by the wayside, Brookline simply didn't have the enrollment to warrant staying open. Sure, Rodgers, Dunn and Nedney were nice, but every other Bucs had only 1 or 2 point. That is not an exaggeration for comedic effect. Moss, Bruce, James, Fasano, Williams and New England literally combined for 10 points. Braylon Edwards had 12 points by halftime. But at least the WVFL didn't let Scott Henry trade away Moss when he still had a whiff of value.
The Crusaders put up one of the oddest stat lines you'll see on a winning team. 24 for Brees, 25 for Thomas Jones behind 3 touchdowns, two players with 0 and a bunch of single digits. But the W will take the sting out of film study this week.
Vanduhlay industries 106 - LetsGoPens 87
He's alive! The CEO of VI swooped in this week from his remote island retreat where they don't have internet access, and promptly dropped Tatum Bell and Matt Schaub. The firing obviously inspired Schaub, but that's for another time. And Schaub's inspired effort benefited Andre Johnson, anyway. Even Steven Jackson got back into the lineup. So VI isn't around for 4 weeks, still goes 3-2, comes back, fiddles with the roster and puts up the most points in the league in Week 6. Fantasy football can be fun. For some people.
How in the world did Clinton Portis have 25 fantasy points in a 19-17 loss? Portis and Brown did their damnedest, but destiny seems to be on VI's side. It's too bad Owens didn't put up more points this week, because with Romo out for a month, it'll be a while before he puts up anything.
Lowcountry All Stars 106 - Crafton Tough Kids 69
The 2008 All Stars are looking like the 2007 Patriots right now. Just unstoppable. Six different All Stars went into double digits, with even Sammy Morris chipping in 12. When you're getting 12 points from Sammy Damn Morris, it is your year to shine.
The Tough Kids stat line is shaped like a flag. Delhomme had 6 at the top, which makes that the little ball. 13 from Fitzgerald, 19 from Jackson and 22 from Barber are the flapping flag, and then 1, 0, 4, 5, -1 from everybody else is the pole. I watched parts of that Bengals/Jets game, and I can with authority that I'm really glad I traded Chris Perry weeks ago.
As the non-winners, the Tough Kids will now have to pick a new helmet. May I suggest something cracked and rusty?
Stringfellow Hawks 83 - Purple Swirls 71
The rare upset that I actually called correctly, though Westbrook being out had a lot to do with it. Injuries also hurt Housmanzadeh, though T.J. is fine. It's just that when Palmer was ruled out and Ryan Fitzpatrick got the start, T.J.'s numbers got hurt. If Seconds Holding the Ball was a fantasy stat, Fitzpatrick would be the MVP of every league. Steve Breaston has been a nice fill-in for Boldin, but even though he helped the Cardinals win this week, he couldn't help the Swirls.
Marvin Harrison came out of nowhere to put up 20 for the Hawks. A guess a civil lawsuit can fire a guy up. Tomlinson looked okay, but the real hero for the Hawks was Jason Elam with 19 points. 19 points from a kicker! Do we have 10-point bonuses for last second game winners?
Deathfromabove 90 - Iron City Pounders 85
Jones-Drew put up 26, Peyton Manning returned with 22, but nobody else under the IC banner did any pounding. Turner and Slaton took a pounding, perhaps, with only 5 points apiece. On the subject of Turner, he is the most simple player in the league right now. Against a bad defense, he'll have about 20 points. Against a good one, 5. Plan accordingly.
Whereas Westbrook's week off killed the Swirls, it gave DFA the win as Correll Buckhalter subbed in with 23 points. DFA woke up Monday morning down 25, but they woke up Tuesday morning with a 5-point thanks to touchdowns from Burress and Lewis. Adrian Peterson had 111 yards rushing, but only 7 points. Two fumbles lost will do that to a guy.