Thursday, October 16, 2008

WVFL Week 7 Preview

Last Week: 4-3
Season: 21-21

Lucky number 21! I hit on 13 and drew an 8! Yes! And...then the dealer hit on 16 and drew a 5. It's a push, 21-21. That reminds me of the greatest blackjack hand I ever saw, played by one Scott Henry, GM of the Brookline Bucs. But I'll save that story for another day.

Lake Balboa Ladybugs (2-4) at Brookline Bucs (2-4)

The roster I've cobbled together this week is like a soup Russian peasants made during World War II. A chicken bone, an old wax rind from some already-eaten cheddar cheese, some grass from the front yard, squash skins and a rock for saltiness. It is terrible and sad. It makes the children depressed and leave the adults hungry for more.

McNabb, Jackson and Boldin all have byes, but are too good to drop and expect to get back. Addai is injured with a voodoo curse. The strategic move, which is maybe decent under the circumstances, was to drop a defense, go empty at that position and play Galloway at flex. I had to do that because McNabb's bye forced me to pick up a second QB this week. Sproles and Faulk are backups. Colston and Galloway are game time decisions. Jason Campbell is almost guaranteed to blow out his knee on Washington's opening drive. I could well challenge this season's low of 43 points. I would actually like to break it to show how preposterously unlucky I am and also to be the guy with the highest and lowest single week totals this season.

Yahoo! thinks the Pittsburgh defense will put up 16 points for the Bucs. I don't even have a defense. I put in for LenDale White, but Henry had waiver priority. Aaron Rodgers will probably have to chuck it all day to keep up with the Colts.

The Pick: Brookline Bucs 65 - Lake Balboa Ladybugs 30

The People's Elbow (4-2) at Lowcountry All Stars (4-2)

The chocolate crinkle versus the apple mele. Only can be the superior dessert. And only one team can win this game. And if Nate wants to win, he'll have to drop JaMarcus Russell for a fill-in back, because Felix Jones is hurt. Ben might actually be limited by a Steeler blowout in the sense that there should be a lot of clock-killing runs in the second half, Joe Flacco throws to the other team more than he throws to Derrick Mason and Earnest Graham is playing fullback these days due to injuries.

For the All-Stars, Eli and Wayne have great mismatches, but both LAS backs face tough defenses. Then again, the three receivers plus Dallas Clark should be able to carry the load by a comfortable margin.

The Pick: Lowcountry All Stars 91 - The People's Elbow 75

Newbomb Turk (4-2) at Atlas Shruggz (1-5)

Newbomb has won four in a row. In those four games, they've scored under 80 twice. In those four games, their opponents scored 69, 62, 60 and 67 (me). And now Tony Glamour is gone. Let's just say this team isn't as good as its record might indicate. Am I seriously supposed to comment on a team that is starting both halves of the famed Frerotte to Berrian connection? Seriously? Michael Pittman? Le'Ron McClain? Bo Scaife? This team is 4-2? This team?! My first three picks are all injured! Ugh. I'm madder than John McCain during Wednesday's debate and I'm rolling my eyes ten times harder.

Atlas has two problems with his lineup this week. Chad Johnson hasn't done anything all year and Laurence Maroney isn't even playing. Three problems if you count the fact that Ryan Fitzpatrick will be attempting to throw Johnson's way this week.

Look at these two teams! You know who could kill both of these teams? Somebody with McNabb, Colston, Boldin and Addai all playing at the same time!

The Pick: Atlas Shruggz 62 - Newbomb Turk 61

LetsGoPens (2-4) at St. A's Crusaders (3-3)

The team with the most good backs in the league is 2-4. Possibly because this is a QB league now and they've resorted to starting Brad Johnson. The oft-optimistic Yahoo! forecast is penciling Johnson in for a 3. That would be 75 yards passing and 0 touchdowns. Oof. Interestingly, Yahoo! is also predicting 10 points for Terrell Owens, which means Yahoo! doesn't think too hard about these forecasts.

Ryan Grant could be yours for a song, and if he doesn't do something against Indianapolis, he is definitely cooked for the season. Hang on, the archives just popped up. From the Week 6 Preview...If Ryan Grant doesn't get going this week, he never will. Oh. So...never mind, I guess. But Jones should be all right against Oakland and with Parker's tweaked knee, Moore is a good spot start. I actually wanted to throw Moore into my stink soup, in fact.

The Pick: St. A's Crusaders 82 - LetsGoPens 77

Stringfellow Hawks (3-3) at Crafton Tough Kids (3-3)

The Hawks are pretty banged up right now. Tomlinson's toe, Parker's knee and McGahee's entire body are all questionable this week. That will leave a few holes in the old roster. Favre and Harrison will put up points like it's 1998, but the rest of the Hawks roster is going to be nasty. And I mean nasty in the 1998 sense, when that still meant bad.

Larry has complained that he loses every time I pick him. Like he can't live up to my expectations of him. Like I'm the big brother he never had. It is awkward. But I have to pick him this week because his lineup is like a fantasy egghead's diagram. Schaub againts Detroit, Rhodes filling in and facing Green Bay, Ward against Cincy, Barber against St. Louis...if anything that anybody knows about football holds to be true in Week 7, this will be the highest score of the season. So good luck, Larry!

The Pick: Crafton Tough Kids 197 - Stringfellow Hawks 71

Deathfromabove (3-3) at Purple Swirls (4-2)

The entire Kress family is 4-2, not counting ladyfolk and children. I've already picked against two Kressi, can we make it three? Well, let's take a look. Actually, don't look too long, because you will burn out your retinas on this disgusting roster. J.T. O'Sullivan's has been shut down by the board of health, Houshmanzadeh might not even play this week, Ray Rice doesn't get the ball any more and Seneca Wallace won't exactly back off the run defense for Julius Jones.

Chicago has a good defense, but Peterson ate them up last year. Plaxico will...I...I can't even keep talking about this game. Look at these rosters! Look at them! I am 2-4! Addai, Colston and Boldin, all hurt! Both of these teams could be 4-3 while I'm 2-5! One of them could even be 5-2! This is RIDICULOUS!

The Pick: Who Cares (DFA) 63 - Whatever (PS) 62

Iron City Pounders (3-3) at Vanduhlay industries (4-2)

Now here's a game we can all get into. Good players, good matchups, guys named Santonio, Laveranues, Antwaan and Jay. Now we're talking! Cutler should torch the awful Patriot secondary on Monday night, Andre Johnson could fumble two more times and still put up 16 points against Detroit, Brandon Jacobs will run through San Francisco and even though Matt Forte won't get more than 40 yards against Minnesota, nobody will even notice because the other Vanduhlites are putting up so many points.

Peyton will pass all day on Green Bay as we say, but Coles could be shut down by Asomugha in what could've been a good matchup. Slaton, Miller and Holmes should all reach the end zone, but is Kevin Smith still starting? Even if he is, his quarterback doesn't know where the field is. In a battle featuring lots of good players and good matchups, the Pounders have more bad players and more bad matchups.

The Pick: Vanduhlay industries 101 - Iron City Pounders 95

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