Only somebody insane or supremely confident would say they don't like Malkin and Crosby on the same line after a 4-1 win that saw them put up 8 points collectively, but I'm saying it. Toronto is a minor league team and Jordan Staal is looking like he should be playing for them instead. We need two lines. And I might need two new goalies.
The Awful Stench def. One Day With The Cup - 7-2-4
After a start like this two years ago, I would've been frantically adding and dropping goalies, searching for the right answer. But somehow, a single championship has given me the wisdom of ten. I have the offense to compete, I just need to make the playoffs and the goalies will come around. I hope. If they don't come around in two weeks, I'll be frantic as usual.
Gagne, Jokinen and Koivu continue to be great draft picks - yes, I'm calling Koivu a draft pick even though I dropped him for a week - but Chara only put up 1 point this week. He was so embarrassed by the weak output, he also put up 0 PIMs so as to not draw attention to himself. Gonna need a little more from you, Z.
For the second straight week, I lost all goalie categories, though it wasn't fair this time because the Stench was setting his lineup from the future. Somehow, he benched Vokoun Thursday even though no other Stench goalie was playing, avoiding a loss with a GAA of 6.03 and a save % of .818. But when Crosby and Markov both have 6 points in a week, you must know what you're doing.
Dynamo Mockba def. Medicine Hat - 7-5-1
The balm on this loss for Medicine Hat is that they win the week's Rocket Richard trophy with a stunning 20 goals. Vanek had 6, Semin had 5 and even though Shane Doan had a comparatively lousy 2, his 19 PIM outburst Thursday night helped win another category. Brandon Dubinsky had 40% of Medicine Hat's assists this week, which sounds impressive until you realize Medicine Hat only had 10 assists. A weird 20-10 line, like Jordan Staal's rookie year. Vanek's 2 shorthanded goals this week were more than any other team had.
So how did the Hatters lose with such an offensive orgasm? Well, they were fishing the puck out of their own net a lot, too. If Marty Turco's 1-2 / 5.30 / .763 effort isn't the worst week of this season, I hope I don't have the guy that beats it. Goals are up across the NHL so far, and they're definitely up against Medicine Hat.
Sweeping the goalie stats and tacking on a shutout gave Nate a 5-0 mark, and going 2-5-1 in the offensive marks wasn't enough to lose. Der Mockba had a healthy 23 assists, with Gene Malkin kicking in 6 by himself. And look at that, everybody! Ryan Malone had a goal!
Kitchener Ks def. IC Pounders on Ice - 10-2-1
Unlucky 7s across the board for the Pounders with only 7 goals, 7 assists and a -7. And the one category the Pounders were impressive in, PIMs, they lost 40-32. 0-1 from Eric Staal, 0-0 from Penner, 0-0 and -2 from Martin St. Louis, 0-0 from Drury, 1 assist total from the defensive corps combined with a -2 on the blue line. It is not too hard to find areas of improvement for the Pounders.
The Ks put up a stunning 6 wins in net this week, and they continued the Kress family tradition of winning the goalie stats 5-0. TK really has the perfect situation going with Marty Brodeur. The Devils are back to their defensive ways, meaning the high Brodeur draft pick will pay off, and TK lives in Pittsburgh, so he'll only have to watch 6 insomnia-busting Devil games this year. Win-win! Shea Weber had 2g, 4a this week. I'm sure Tony can expect regular repeat performances of that.
Keystone Winterhawks def. White Chapel Rippers - 7-5-2
The Rippers are our third team this week to go 5-0 in net, but the first to lose the game overall. Vesa Toskala even managed the rare shutout/no win by coming up short in the shootout Friday night. White Chapel's -13 total has already been noticed by the coach, the GM and the White Chapel Informer, a 4-page newspaper you can pick up free in the White Chapel Giant Eagle foyer. Next to the Pennysaver, you can't miss it. Poor Ryan Suter was a +3, but with Richards, Boyle, Jovanovski and Demitra combining for a -13, his sensible play was neither noticed nor cared about. Pavol Demitra was cut to make an example, to show that poor defensive zone play will not be tolerated. Not if you're only going to have 1 assist.
Craig Rivet's center ice body shot early in the week led to a scrum and the scrum led to Rivet picking up 2 game misconducts and that led to Keystone winning the PIM category and winning the PIM category led to a 7-5 win instead of a 6-6 tie. It's like that cartoon where the mouse has to get the dog a bone, and the rooster can help find a bone if the mouse gets him a new shoe and the squirrel can find a shoe if the mouse knows where to find some nuts. Not to keep picking on Jordan Staal, but he was shut out in every category this week except for his -1.
Almost as impressive as Kitchener's 6 wins is Keystone's 5 losses in net. Marty Biron, even though your .850 save percentage has the Flyers wondering if the season is already lost, you were the Winterhawk goalie of the week! Biron's terrible week must be doubly painful for the WVHL team with the ugliest logo.
Abomidable Snowmen def. Camelsfoot Range - 6-5-2
The Snowmen picked up Kari Lehtonen on Friday, then benched him Saturday so Lehtonen would have time to digest the Snowmen's ultra-complicated interlacing lock trap defense. Too bad, because if Lehtonen played instead of Osgood, they win the save category and win the week 6-5. But hey, that's the way the snowball crumbles.
Daniel Sedin and Joffrey Lupul went 0-0 for the week, which would've looked worse if Brind'Amour, Hartnell and Arnott didn't also go 0-0 for Camelsfoot, giving the goals and assists categories to AS. While we're on the subject, is there a more repulsive player in the league than Scott Hartnell? He comes in late to more piles than Ray Lewis. Caulen should drop him just out of principle if a -2 isn't enough reason to do so.
Kiprusoff went 1-2 / 3.70 / .879. Remember when he used to be good?
Dublin Donkey Punch def. obamanators - 7-3-2
Jean-Sebastian Giguere took a loss Sunday night, but the obamanators couldn't tie up the loss category because Roberto Luongo took an even worse loss. It's been just a little up and down for the obamanators in net early on. The autodraft of back to back goalies early looked bad, then it looked great in Week 1, now it looks bad again with a team 3.83 GAA and .862 save %.
The obamanators lived up to their namesake this week with a calm, measured approach that refused to be goaded into the mud. Only 12 PIMs as a team and the gentle Sergei Kostitsyn led the way with 4. Also like their namesake, they all pitched in and worked together, shown in their +11 mark. Even more like their namesake, they were all-inclusive, reaching out to everybody with 14 roster moves. If you get picked up by the obamanators, just rent one of those pre-furnished apartments until you see a long-term contract.
Check your calendars to see what year it is, because Milan Hejduk has 5 goals this season. They must be coming from Paul Stastny, cause Son of Peter put up 1 goal and 5 assists this week. Too bad they cancelled out in this matchup. Fabian Brunnstrom had a hat trick last week, got picked up by Dublin and turned in a timecard with one power play goal and a -3 this week. Such is the fantasy life of the young and skilled.