Last Week: 6-1
There's something amusing about the fact that I'm having my worst fantasy football season ever, but my best fantasy football picks season ever.
Lake Balboa Ladybugs (3-7) at Atlas Shruggz (2-8)
If the WVFL had a television contract, this game's kickoff would be moved to Wednesday at 6am so nobody accidentally watched it. Which is too bad, because this might actually end up being a good game. A good, meaningless game.
Green Bay won't be able to run on Chicago, but they can pass so look out for Jennings. Stewart gets the immense pleasure of running against the Detroit defense and Gonzalez will find such open holes in the Houston secondary that he'll wonder if it's pre-game warmups.
If one is forced to start two running backs from the same team, one would do well to face Houston in that situation. McNabb and Jackson should tear up Cincinnati more than a batch of bad chili, Colston might be okay and Boldin will continue putting up huge points that are completely wasted. Did I mention he has 8 metal plates in his face?
The Pick: Lake Balboa Ladybugs 100 - Atlas Shruggz 81
The People's Elbow (5-5) at Purple Swirls (6-4)
The original Cain vs. Abel match! Actually, I guess that would've been Cain vs. Abel. But we haven't seen a brother battle this fierce since the Civil War. Or since last Wednesday morning, when Jeb Bush yelled at GW for ruining any chance Jeb ever had of living in the White House. Speaking of which, 3 straight losses have Nate on the ropes and another this week could ruin any chance he has of making the playoffs. Bad time to have Graham facing Minnesota and Derrick Ward against Baltimore.
It would be much preferable to have Chris Johnson against Jacksonville and Brian Westbrook against Cincy. And Matt Ryan against Denver. And Steve Smith against Detroit. Frank Gore has a slight edge over Julius Jones, though.
This season, Nate has won two, lost two, won three and then lost three. Time to bust up that pretty little pattern.
The Pick: Purple Swirls 110 - The People's Elbow 85
Newbomb Turk (6-4) at Iron City Pounders (5-5)
Another symmetrical team, the Pounders lost two, won three, lost three and won two. The question is, can they put up the 70 points required to beat Newbomb? Short answer, yes. Long answer, definitely. Manning, Turner and Hightower alone should be enough to do it, which is good because who wants to rely on Antonio Bryant or Jamal Lewis?
Between TK's two receivers, Braylon Edwards is being asked by almost everybody involved with football to get his eyes checked since he's dropping so many balls, and Malcolm Floyd is not being asked to do anything because nobody cares about Malcolm Floyd.
Tony Hero returns for the Cowboys, but who knows if that's good or bad? Fred Taylor is going nowhere against the Titans and Newbomb is going nowhere against the Pounders.
The Pick: Iron City Pounders 88 - Newbomb Turk 51
Brookline Bucs (3-7) at Deathfromabove (6-4)
There was a little grumbling about Henry's machinations in fielding an all black and gold fantasy team until it was pointed out that he's 3-7 and teams fighting for playoff position probably would've beaten him anyway. Roy Williams might be decent against the single coverage he'll see and LenDale White might cannonball into the endzone from a yard out, but after that...well, hopefully the Steelers put up 56 on San Diego.
I think Minnesota can pull of the upset because of Peterson having a surprisingly good day against Tampa, but if he doesn't, DFA will be getting almost nothing out of their backfield. Fortunately for them, Warner, Royal, Daniels and the Steeler-heavy opponent will bail them out.
The Pick: Deathfromabove 83 - Brookline Bucs 62
Stringfellow Hawks. (3-7) at Stringfellow Hawks (5-5)
The T-1000 shifts shapes again this week, but they still can't hide their inherently flawed programming. Portis probably isn't going to play, but there's nobody to replace him. So he'll at least play for the Hawks-1000. Owens hasn't gone over 100 yards all season, but Ronnie Brown should be plenty nice against an Oakland team that simply doesn't care any more.
Favre already notched 18 points for the Hawks, but Jones, Hester and McGahee might not get that many combined. Tomlinson hopefully will struggle against the Steelers and DeAngelo Williams could go off on Detroit...or he could lose carries to Jonathan Stewart.
Here's what you don't want when you need a win to stay in the playoff hunt. You don't want to lose to a team that's basically given up.
The Pick: Stringfellow Hawks. 76 - Stringfellow Hawks 70
St. A's Crusaders (7-3) at Lowcountry All Stars (7-3)
If you are playing a 5-star tilt for the rights to first place, scoring 27 points Thursday night is a good start. And Drew Brees will probably add another 27 points himself against the Chiefs. And Ryan Grant might get 2.7 points against the Bears. Yahoo! is predicting 15 points for Larry Johnson, and there can be no greater indictment of the Saints defense than a running back who's had a month off getting the ball from Tyler Thigpen being pencilled in for 15 points.
Neat scheduling quirk for the All Stars this week. Seven of their players are involved in the early games, then they sit around and wait for Lynch and Evans to play Monday night. But no matter when they play, every All Star has a dream matchup this week. Except for Reggie Bush, who isn't playing. Time to sub in Ricky Williams, who also has a great matchup.
The Pick: Lowcountry All Stars 101 - St. A's Crusaders 100
Crafton Tough Kids (6-4) at Vanduhlay industries (6-4)
Speaking of Tyler Thigpen, he is actually starting for the Tough Kids Sunday. Cotchery returned to the Tough Kids with 12 points, proving that you can go home again. Vincent Jackson will probably catch a twice-tipped ball for a touchdown and Marion Barber is probably due or something. Who exactly is supposed to cover Larry Fitzgerald for Seattle?
Cutler, Johnson and Forte alone are going to tip this one in favor of VI. People were concerned that the large Hadron collider would form a black hole that would kill us all, but Brandon Jacobs running into Ray Lewis might create enough force to crack the Earth in two.
The Pick: Vanduhlay industries 94 - Crafton Tough Kids 77