Tuesday, November 25, 2008

WVFL Week 12 Review

As I sit here tonight trying to figure out how to disprove mathematical elimination {x2 + y3 = no fucking chance} and just how many mLs of lambrusco will make the pain go away, I realize that this review is going to be of the short and bitter variety.

Lake Balboa Ladybugs 92 - Lowcountry All Stars 69

Yes, I am aware of the supreme irony of Randy Moss putting up 30 points in his first game as a Ladybug after me bitching all season about a trade veto. And yes, I also find it hilarious that with my entire team finally healthy I am putting up quite the points. But at least I take comfort in the fact that my keeper team is set up nicely for 2009. Wait, what? This is a redraft league? Oh...fuck.

The All Stars can take comfort in the fact that even if they didn't start an inactive Reggie Bush, they still would've lost. However, with the playoffs starting soon, a 69-point effort isn't exactly a brisk workout.

The People's Elbow 112 - Crafton Tough Kids 78

The Elbow hasn't cracked 100 points since Week 2, so this must be strange territory. I really like Aaron Rodgers as an NFL QB. He can throw hard and accurately, but Nate is more concerned with the 25 points he posted. Laissez le bon temps roulez! Just like many weeks for me last year, Derrick Ward outscored Frank Gore.

W, L, W, L, W, L, W, W, L, W, W, L. The Tough Kids are putting down quite a beat on this season. Tyler Thigpen has lit it up for the CTK two weeks in a row now.

Purple Swirls 96 - Newbomb Turk 94

I've given TK a lot of flak for his horrendous team this season, so I can appreciate the frustration he must feel losing with his 2nd highest point total of the year. The frustration that bubbles over when he clicks Optimal Lineup and realizes that Chris Chambers and Maurice Morris could've propelled him to 114 points and a win. The frustration that spills onto the counter when he realizes his sons are now better than him at sports. The cat is in the cradle, brother.

In the preview, I said Caulen (my newest Facebook pal!) had two bad matchups for his backs, and I was right. Johnson and Westbrook combined for 6 points. I neglected to consider that the Vikings could put up 24 points. One fewer field goal for Rian Lindell and the Turk wins.

Iron City Pounders 77 - Brookline Bucs 73

The SteelBucs put up just enough points Thursday night to give the Pounders something to think about. But like Word Challenge, all Scott Henry could do is post a score, sit back and hope it didn't get trampled. Also like Word Challenge, it did.

On the strength of 35 Michael Turner points, the Pounders squoke one out. Incidentally, with the Optimal Lineup, the Pounders could've scored 102, and looking at the logjam for playoff tickets, those extra 25 points could've come in handy.

Deathfrombelow 102 - Deathfromabove 74

Yeah, that's right. I actually called this upset in the preview. Being eliminated from the playoffs, it's all I have to hang my ugly hat on. Terrell Owens finally showed up for a game and outscored his fellow WR2 31-1. He literally had 31 times as many points as Eddie Royal! Even worse was LenDale White, who had -1 yard and then bitched after the game about only getting 3 carries. On a 10-1 team.

Purple Swirl castoff David Garrard had 15 points.

St. A's Crusaders 128 - Stringfellow Hawks 68

The Hawks now need a whole lot of help to make the playoffs, while the Crusaders are only wondering if they'll be the #1 or #2 seed. When you have a 60-point win, there will be a lot of fun numbers, but how about this one? The Baltimore defense (ST. A) outscored the Green Bay defense (STR) by 27 points. Though for Green Bay to give up 51 points and only notch a -1 is pretty impressive on its own.

Last year at this point, the Crusaders were 4-8. This year, they're 8-4 and have gone well over 100 in 4 out of their last 6. Hell, they could've had 144 this week. This, of course, means that the Crusaders will lose their first playoff game 51-47.

Atlas Shruggz 76 - Vanduhlay industries 60

This is one upset that I definitely did not call. In fact, I believe my pick was VI to win 93-3. But Greg Jennings' 16 points on Monday night were the difference, including the 1 bonus point he received for absorbing a hit so hard that it blew the numbers off his jersey. Nice game for Anthony Gonzalez, too. No, not Tony. Anthony.

VI, which has baffled me with their roster moves and non-moves all season, did it again this week. Jacobs, who was iffy all week, started, didn't play and posted a 0. VI had no back to sub in for Jacobs because for some reason they have 2 kickers and 2 defenses. But they started the wrong ones this week! Folk and Dallas would've given them 83 points for the week.

By the way, VI is still very much alive for the playoffs and I am not.

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