Last Week: 4-3
The picks are guaranteed to finish over .500 this season and I haven't been so proud since my daughter was born with only two nostrils.
Lake Balboa Ladybugs (5-7) at Stringfellow Hawks (6-6)
I don't know what the Hawks are going to do, but I am 99% positive my team will score 105 points just to screw with me one last time. I cannot emphasize it strongly enough that Marques Colston should be a top-5 pick next season. Just trust me.
Brett Favre is getting older, his blood is thinning and these cold games are not as enjoyable anymore. Still, passing against the Bronco defense is always enjoyable. Tomlinson and Williams could have decent games, but it won't be enough and the Hawks will also be out of the playoffs. Come over to my place next Sunday, man, and we'll watch the games together and get crooked.
The Pick: Lake Balboa Ladybugs 105 - Stringfellow Hawks 88
The People's Elbow (7-5) at Vanduhlay industries (6-6)
The fiercest of fierceness is how one could describe this struggle for a playoff seed. The subset battle in this one is Derrick Ward for the Elbow and Brandon Jacobs for Vanduhlay. Who will get the points and yards there? Unbelievably enough, Nate is staking his playoff life on Isaac Bruce and BenJarvus Green-Ellis. Good luck with that.
Jay Cutler will be passing early, often, late and often against the Jets, but Matt Forte is not going anywhere on the Minnesota defense. And, oh by the way, any of those Cutler passes that go to Marshall will give Nate points. Man, this crucial tilt is going to stink.
The Pick: The People's Elbow 77 - Vanduhlay industries 71
Newbomb Turk (6-6) at Crafton Tough Kids (7-5)
By 6:00pm Thursday, a slice of turkey, two sips of wine and 21 points from Tony Romo will have TK peacefully snoozing in his recliner. Get your sleep now, Tony, because you'll be up late Sunday and Monday nights hoping your team can come through. They are not going to come through.
Timing is everything and the Tough Kids could not have timed perfect matchups any better. They will roll into the playoffs, eating that last slice of pumpkin pie Monday night to celebrate. And then washing it down with four Orvals.
The Pick: Crafton Tough Kids 101 - Newbomb Turk 70
Brookline Bucs (3-9) at Purple Swirls (7-5)
Even better than having good matchups when you need a win to clinch a playoff spot is facing a team with an experiment, uni-team lineup. Plus, Chris Johnson vs. Detroit? Good gravy!
The New England defense is not actually that good and I'm expecting a shootout up in Foxboro, so the Brookline experiment might pay off with good points once again. And another loss.
The Pick: Purple Swirls 75 - Brookline Bucs 69
Deathfrombelow (4-8) at Iron City Pounders (7-5)
Manning against Cleveland, Lewis against Indy, Coles against Denver, Turner against his old team in San Diego...when you need a win these are all good things. It's going to be quite a points race for those six playoff spots.
Losing five in a row in the middle of the season really hurt DFB's chances this year. The fact that a team with Ronnie Brown, Clinton Portis and Terrell Owens is 4-8 disproves some conventional wisdom about fantasy football. A lot of conventional wisdom, actually. You choose which part(s).
The Pick: Iron City Pounders 107 - Deathfrombelow 81
St. A's Crusaders (8-4) at Deathfromabove (7-5)
It is really unfortunate that DFA is the one 7-5 team facing an opponent with a winning record this week. Unfortunate for them, I mean. This is one is shaping up to be the game of the week, as well. It would be a really tough kick in the perineum if DFA lost and missed the playoffs by one of the fifteen different ways outlined in the last post.
Tampa is one team that can give Drew Brees some trouble, and if you know how Ted Ginn is going to do from week to week, you also know when housing prices will hit bottom because you are living in the future. Thomas Jones will run all he wants against Denver and Warrick Dunn won't have much trouble against the Saints.
For DFA, Lance Moore won't be catching any 75-yard bombs, but MJD might return from the AWOL list and score a TD. The Chicago run defense isn't as good as you remembered and LenDale White might double his carries this week against Detroit. Meaning...he'll get two.
This game is going to come down to which great defense scores more points against a terrible offense? I say it'll be...Tennessee.
The Pick: Deathfromabove 110 - St. A's Crusaders 101