St. A's Crusaders 82 - Lake Balboa Ladybugs 78
Everybody was back healthy for the first time this week and yet injuries still killed me. How? Because three weeks ago, injuries and byes forced me to drop Tim Hightower. I picked him up before the season knowing Edge was cooked. But I needed warm bodies, he was on a bye and I couldn't slip him through waivers because nobody knows what the hell the waiver rules are in this league.
Tim Hightower had 16 points this week. Kevin Faulk had 9. I lost by 4. Somebody help me out with the math here. Actually...fuck it. I don't want the particulars.
Like many guys playing against me, Donald Driver had his best game of the season. Thomas Jones had a 5-yard touchdown run that was set up when Jerricho Cotchery (a Ladybug) was caught from behind and tackled at the 5. Jones ran it in on the very next play. Probably a key moment in this matchup. And Derek Anderson handed off to Terrell Suggs late in the fourth quarter to give Baltimore a defensive touchdown. Though Orton only played half the game, so maybe it wouldn't have been so close.
Deathfromabove 110 - The People's Elbow 79
Justin Fargas had 2 points, which is actually pretty great considering his team had -2 yards in the first half Sunday. And forget Fargas, because the rest of the DFA roster went off. 21 from Warner, a quiet 19 from Peterson, Eddie Royal getting stuff done with 12 and even Rob Bironas kicked in 14. Kicked...in. He's a kicker!
Derrick Mason had 19 points, and no that is not a cumulative total for the season. He had 136 yards and 1 TD. Yes, this year. Sunday, in fact. Yes, I am completely serious. Brandon Marshall posted a 0 during the game and then lost 2 points afterwards when he was straight up called a bitch by Joey Porter, who normally does not verbally attack his colleagues.
Think about this. Nate got 19 from Mason and 14 from Derrick Ward. Take away those remarkably, remarkably, remarkably unexpected games and the Elbow doesn't crack 50. Elbow playoff tickets go on sale this Wednesday.
Newbomb Turk 69 - Stringfellow Hawks 53
The #1 defense in the league has done it again! That ferocious, attacking defensive 11 for Newbomb held an opponent under 70 points for the 6th time as they moved to 6-3 on the season. Only a cynical jerk would point out that in the 3 Newbomb losses the opponent has scored 85 or more. A real sports fan will just sit back and enjoy this magical 2000 Baltimore Ravens-style ride.
Frerotte and Berrian did indeed light up the terrible Texans pass defense, combining for 34 points. Braylon Edwards showed up with 14 points and could've had more if he wasn't so eager to add to his league-leading drops total. Top of the lineup looking good! Frerotte! Edwards! Berrian! Oh...there seem to be some more names here. Pittman 2, Taylor 1, Olsen 1, Avery 2. Oh, forget them! How about that amazing Newbomb defense!
Jesus. If I was any more bitter, I'd have a Campari label.
What can be said about the Hawks except that Marvin Harrison is completely done?
Lowcountry All Stars 63 - Brookline Bucs 56
Ooooh...that Steeler D made a game of it late, but they would've needed 14 sacks on the evening to pull out the night. Or Brookline could've gotten more than 0 points out of Dunn and Scheffler. Randy Moss had 4 points. I am saddened to see the Bucs saddled with such a player. Scott Henry might as well replace Moss with Sarah Palin at this point. Let her drag down a second team.
When it's your year, it's your year, and the All Stars will hang on to first place despite a 63-point outburst. Lynch and Ricky Williams combined for 75 rushing yards. I predicted Roddy White would not go over 2 points on Nnamdi Asomugha, but White put up 5. However, the Raiders puts Asomugha on Michael Jenkins in the second half after DeAngelo Hall was reduced to a smoldering pile of black powder. Half point for me there.
Atlas Shruggz. 83 - Atlas Shruggz 65
The real Shruggz started Selvin Young, who was injured, and Deuce McAllister, who was caught up in customs returning from London. So it was easy to spot the imposter in this one. Do I care that I desperately needed a win to stay alive and I had enough points to beat 7 teams, including one that only started 7 players? Not really. I'm just here to have fun and get some exercise.
Owning Chad Johnson finally paid off for the Temp Shruggz, as 8-5 got into the endzone 1-2 times. If you take away Portis and Ronnie Brown, the Temp Shruggz would've only scored 57 points and lost, a helpful reminder that teams should start two running backs in this league. Every week. It is important.
Iron City Pounders 95 - Crafton Tough Kids 47
Hey, here's Tim Hightower! Look, if you can steal change out of the Salvation Army kettle on December 24th and live with yourself, fine. God bless. Peyton Manning had a good time hooking up with Anthony Gonzalez and posted 20 points. Burress, Coles and Zach Miller had 7 points total, which makes the Pounders' 95 this week all the more impressive. The Arizona defense had 18 points? Really?
Crafton has had weeks of 103 and 107 points, and they've also scored 47 twice. Having known Larry for a long time, I can assure you that this is perfectly in line with his manic depressive personality. Marion Barber had -12 receiving yards on Sunday. That didn't cost him any points, but his 4 didn't help the Tough Kids.
Fun quirk from this one: Both tight ends were named Miller and both had 0 points.
Purple Swirls 94 - Vanduhlay industries 75
And we have a third tight end with 0 points, Jason Witten. But Rookie Level player, Matt Ryan, chucked the ball around well enough to post a 14. Chris Johnson had 21 points, and his 72 receiving yards just seem like an unfair bonus. Ray Rice came back to rush for 154 yards and 17 points.
A single point from Steven Jackson is probably not what VI was expecting, but when a team is down 24-7 at halftime, it can hamper the running game a bit.
It is late and I'm tired of talking about good teams.