Monday, November 10, 2008

WVHL Week 5 Review

One Day With The Cup def. Keystone Winterhawks - 5-4-4

Over here at ODWTC HQ, we are very proud of our 2 GWG this week, the first two of the season. We went out and got a little memento to celebrate the achievement. I shouldn't say little, it's actually bigger than the WVHL Cup currently on display in our lobby.

We are also proud of the fact that we played the first place team two weeks in a row and knocked them off both times, but three separate trips to Things Remembered has not turned up an etchable rememberance worthy of the feat.

Maligned 2nd rounder Olli Jokinen had a symmetrical week with 3 goals and 3 assists and Jarome Iginla was hype as well. Zdeno Chara remains missing. If you see a 6'9" Slovak (7'0" on skates), please call 818-WE-CHAMPS as soon as possible, please.

Marc Savard had a single goal for the Winterhawks, and that must be considered an upset.

Lastly, to all the people around the league rejecting my trade offers, you'll only have yourselves to blame when I'm in first place by Christmas.

Dynamo Mockba def. Abomidable Snowmen - 10-2-1

As of Sunday night, I'm assuming my count is correct here. Because even though the Snowmen swept the goalie categories and had a 7-6 lead hitting the pillow Sunday night...they didn't hit the goalie minimum. Nate has basically been handed 4 points. Free! The Obama Presidency is already redistributing the wealth.

Malkin, Nash and Marleau all had 4 point weeks, but only one of them took a point blast off of the thumb Saturday night. Malkin. Something bad happens to the Pens every time they go to Nassau. It's their own Bermuda triangle.

Detroit's light schedule this week did not help the Snowmen as Lidstrom had all zeroes and Kronwall only had a +1. Even though he isn't playing yet, Sergei Zubov came off of IR to make room for Brian Rolston in the M*A*S*H tent. All that means is Zubov had all zeroes this week instead of Rolston.

The worst part about the Snowmen losing the goalie category because they only had two games played? They only allowed one goal between the two games.

Kitchener Ks def. Medicine Hat - 7-4-2

Ah, the Sunday goalie start. It is either a dream where you come back and win GAA and SV while making sex on a lovely lady, or it is a nightmare where your guy gets shelled while you try to run uphill away from a monster. But the monster is gaining! Always gaining! It's like you're not going anywhere!

Medicine Hat had the nightmare this Sunday when Brian Boucher got lit up. How the Hat even ended up with Boucher when Kitchener is scanning for fresh goalies like a pervert at the Hollywood Greyhound station is beyond me.

So in a week with only 10 assists and a cumulative minus, Kitchener runs up a nice win. Thanks for the 6 points, Ryane Clowe.

Man, with the IR juggling, the Kitchener roster is more complicated than the tax return of a oil coporation based in Bermuda.

obamantors tied IC Pounders on Ice - 6-6-1

The obamantors wrapped up the goalie stat like Obama wrapping up New England. It was not close, thanks to 180 shutout minutes from Bobbo Luongo. The obamantors also showed a bit of ruthlessness in racking up 42 PIMs. Stastny had 0 points and a -4 and Nylander had 1 and a -1. Oh, if only somebody would offer the obamantors a center in a trade. Somebody like Patrice Bergeron! Oh, if only!

The Pounders went 1-5 in net this week, and yet their GAA and SV% was not 7.86 and .786. It was actually a respectable 2.51 and .914. Not great, but not worthy of 5 losses, either. Miro Satan's beautiful between the wickets goal didn't get any bonus, but it sure was nice to look at.

Dublin Donkey Punch def. White Chapel Rippers - 8-4-1

The Rippers had a remarkable 15 power play points, but tomorrow morning they will be out of the playoffs with only 18 weeks left in the season. All I heard about all week in personal chats with Larry was Derrick Brassard, but all I see is 1 goal and 2 PIMs. Todd Bertuzzi had 4 points and was a -3. Power play demon, even strength liability. Carey Price had one loss and allowed 6 goals. Thanks, Future.

The Donkeys only punched in 5 goals this week, but 2 of them were game winners. Pick your spot, I suppose. Mike Knuble's only stat this week was a -3. Who says he depends on great linemates to leech off numbers?

The Awful Stench def. Camelsfoot Range - 7-3-3

Ryan Getlaf has been dropping all kinds of stench on people lately, and he had another 5 points this week. Sidney Crosby, on the other hand, only had 1. Keith Tkachuk even had 2. Sidney Crosby was the worst Stench center this week. Golly.

Kiprusoff was used, abused and perused Sunday night, but since Caulen was already behind in net, it meant nothing for the standings. Martin Havlat returned and combined with Kris Versteeg to put up 5 points Sunday night. If you can name Versteeg's nationality, you officially known everything about hockey. Give up? He was born in Alberta.

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