As any parent can tell you, if you have a clever idea and it gets a laugh, it's fun the first time. Even the third time. By the 13th time, you're sick of it. This is that version.
Stringfellow Hawks 72 - Lake Balboa Ladybugs 66
When I picked myself to score 105 points as one last screwgy, I forgot an important trend. I have now lost the season finale three straight years. At least this one only cost me dignity and not a playoff spot.
The Hawks got the win they needed, but not the points they needed to make the playoffs. Sorry to waste your four touchdowns, DeAngelo Williams.
Vanduhlay industries 97 - The People's Elbow 86
I spend way too much time thinking about fantasy football. I know that. I admit that. A guy who didn't field a full roster for half of his games is now going to the playoffs. VI needed 3 points from Andre Johnson to seal the win and he caught a touchdown on Houston's first drive. Not exactly a flair for the dramatic.
In a must-win game to clinch a playoff spot, the Elbow started Lorenzo Booker at W/R. I'll let you guess how that one turned out.
Crafton Tough Kids 72 - Newbomb Turk 62
I couldn't think of a more fitting finale for Newbomb than scoring 62 points. Fantasy bust of the year Braylon Edwards found his way onto the right team.
Crafton needed a win to make the playoffs and only scored 72 points. They are currently slitting a lamb's throat at the altar of the schedule gods. Vincent Jackson, your 0 is not ready for the playoffs. You don't get any points for catching a ball out of the back of the end zone. Not even one.
Purple Swirls 141 - Brookline Bucs 88
I love, love, love that Skip Henry had two of his best weeks after launching the Great Steeler Fantasy Experiment of '08. (His actual best week? 91 points when facing me in Week 7.) Sure, he lost both games, but he was usually losing anyway.
But even if Lawrence Timmons didn't run out of gas and end his interception return at the 1-yard line, the Bucs were still going to get crushed. The Swirls stormed into the playoffs on the strength of the highest WVFL 2008 point total. They had 78 points by the start of Black Friday!
Deathfrombelow 82 - Iron City Pounders 60
After formally giving up on the season, DFB won two straight. It really makes you think, doesn't it?
Needing a win and a lot of points, the Pounders started Plaxico Burress, who missed Sunday's divisional game with a hamstring pull, a gunshot wound and a warrant out for his arrest. They had 30 points before Steve Slaton put up 30 of his own Monday night. They are not making the playoffs.
Deathfromabove 121 - St. A's Crusaders 111
DFA got the win, but St. A's gets the bye. One wins the battle, the other wins the war. Wes Welker had 3 points, but did not receive a bonus for being on the wrong end of the hardest hit of 2008. It says something about me that I enjoyed this hit even more knowing that it was a penalty. It says something bad about me.
The Tennessee wing of DFA contributed 63 points before the bird was even out of the oven, and Kurt Warner's 18 points in a shitty loss was the fine port that capped off the evening.
Lowcountry All Stars 74 - Atlas Shruggz 66
This game was such a fait accompli that I actually forgot to preview it. Pencil me in for an All Stars pick, will you? Although they enter the playoffs with the league's best record, the All Stars need to use the bye week to reorganize an offense that has posted 63, 87, 85, 69 and 74 points in the last five games.
Atlas Shruggz is the team whose defensive lineman fire off the ball on a kneel down. They keep trying despite the hopelessness of the situation. My proverbial hat is proverbially off to them.