DEATHFROMABOVE 119.22 - THE NEV-R-WINS 86.38
I woke up Monday morning up 1 point. I'll wake up Tuesday morning down 33 points and 0-3-1 in my last four openers. I feel like I should care, but at this point, I'm so inured to fantasy disappointment that it barely moves the needle any more. I'm much more concerned that I went 0-3 in my betting pool and only have enough points left for two bets before I'm eliminated. Or that I would've taken the early lead in my confidence pool except for Cincinnati losing in a way that has literally never happened before in NFL history.
Speaking of my super hex powers, 2008's leading receiver Andre Johnson had 35 yards, DFA's Tom Brady threw 2 TDs, neither of which went to my Randy Moss, and my Phillip Rivers threw 1 TD to his Vincent Jackson. All a coincidence, I'm sure.
ST. A'S CRUSADERS 105.32 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 85.76
Well, the spread in this one was 19.57, so a real drag for all you punters who backed the favorite. Too bad Anthony Gonzalez went down so early or else they might have covered. The fact that Drew Brees put 37 points and Marques Colston only had 9 probably doesn't bode well for Colston. I think the ball will be spread around more than swine flu in New Orleans this year.
Things went so well for St. A's that they probably didn't even notice the very clear warning signals that Willie Parker's fantasy relevance is completely over. Or, if they did notice, they didn't care.
Steve Slaton had one of those really cool fumbles that shot straight up in the air, but unfortunately for the Pounders, it did not count for 31 bonus points.
STRINGFELLOW HAWKS 77.74 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 71.14
Putting up the third-lowest weekly total in the league isn't all bad, as long as you time it right. Like, say, when you're playing the lowest weekly total. And without Thomas Jones' monster 22-point effort, it would've been even uglier for the Elbow. The fact that the Chargers benched Tomlinson when they were down 20-17 and driving probably does not bode well. The receiving triumvirate of Antonio Bryant, Chris Henry and Lance Moore combined for 8.50 points. Well done, boys.
Don't be too proud of yourselves, Stringfellow.
FIREROCK ROCKERS 93.72 - DOPPELGANGER 76.82
Roddy White outscored Brandon Marshall and Braylon Edwards all by himself, which sounds impressive...until you realize that White only had 4.20 points. No, the heroes in this one for Firerock were Bensa and Philadelphia, with the Eagles D putting 29 points, with 5 assists to Jake Delhomme.
Greg Olsen had 1 catch for 8 yards and thanks to our new fractional scoring system, he was not shut out this week. Romo, Gore and the Giants DST combined for 56 of Doppelganger's 76 points. That is a very American dispersion.
PURPLE SWIRLS 86.36 - BROOKLINE BUCS 81.52
If a team is going to carry two tight ends for some reason, like Brookline, then they'd better make sure to start the right one each week. Owen Daniels had 4.4 points. John Carlson had 21.5. Guess which one was on the bench?
Matt Hasselbeck only gets to face the Rams once more this season, so his 20-point games could be few and far between. Caulen's 6th round-drafted defense was outscored in this game, but it didn't matter.
WHIZ-BANG GANG 114.16 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 93.98
We have to be one of the only leagues in the country in which Adrian Peterson's owner didn't win this week. But when Peterson has 41 points and everybody else only has 52, bad things can happen. 1 point from the kicker, 2 from the defense, 1.8 from Anquan Boldin, 5.3 from Ronnie Brown, 4.9 from Reggie Bush. All less than Peterson got from his one long touchdown run Sunday. Reggie Bush, by the way, is a fucking terrible pro.
I watched one play where Larry Johnson tried to gain the edge against Baltimore and he barely gained the opposite hashmark. The Larry Johnson era is over. That is about the only bad thing that can be said about the Whizzer-Bangers today.