Saturday, October 10, 2009

WVFL Week 5 Preview

LAST WEEK: 3-3
SEASON: 14-10

The picks have had one 5-1 week and then all 3-3 weeks. The picks are a one-hit wonder that are now playing state fairs. "Play that one song we know!"


THE NEV-R-WINS (1-3) at THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (0-4)

This game will prove the world's one true religion. If Nate wins, karma is in full effect and we should all become Buddhists. If I win, that means it's okay to be a pushy loudmouth and still find redemption, so we should all convert to...hmm, that's all of the others. Well, at least if I win, we can rule out Buddhism. And possibly Shinto, I think.

Because Antonio Bryant is in the lineup by force and not choice, he'll go back to doing nothing. Peyton will continue tearing up the league, but there's not too much else to fear here. True story: trade talks between Nate and me broken down this week when I realize he didn't have a single player I wanted.

God, I need to win this one.

Coffee proved last week that he's an iffy fill in, but the Atlanta defense is terrible. Moss should be blanketed by Champ Bailey, but Johnson, Holmes and McNabb should be more than enough. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go light some prayer candles.

THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 88 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 71


IRON CITY POUNDERS (2-2) at PURPLE SWIRLS (3-1)

Pierre Thomas' bye is forcing Caulen to trot out one ugly backfield this week. I thought Cadillac Wiliams was hurt again, but Caulen is playing him, Kevin Smith is dinged up and facing Pittsburgh and Donald Brown is facing Tennessee, which is not as good as it used to be, but still. Flacco should have some trouble against a surprisingly good Cincinnati defense and Fitzgerald needs to take out Boldin's knee in warmups if he wants to have a good game. He also needs to replace Warner's arm.

It is not too early to call the Terrell Owens Buffalo years a failure. It might be too early to say years and not year. Santana Moss either catches a bomb or nothing, and the Niners should contain Matt Ryan. But Jacobs, Slaton and Minnesota have the kind of matchups you wait all season for. Can just three positions carry the Pounders? Since Caulen only has one good position this week, sure.

THE PICK: IRON CITY POUNDERS 85 - PURPLE SWIRLS 76


ST. A'S CRUSADERS (3-1) at FIREROCK ROCKERS (2-2)

Here is the "smack" that the Crusaders and Rockers have posted on their matchup board.

St. A's CrusadersOctober 8, 9:50 am
You caught me on a good week, I can't field a complete line-up.

Firerock RockersOctober 8, 1:06 pm
you still have a good chance. I have portis who sucks and bad wr's.And can only hope McCoy plays.

It's like watching two chubby nerds at Comic-Con try convince each other to ask Eliza Dushku for her phone number. Pathetic!

But accurate. The Crusaders don't have a kicker yet, three players are on a bye, they have four running backs, Brees is on a bye, Hester is on a bye and they aren't willing to cut Anthony Gonzalez even though he's been hurt all year.

Meanwhile, on the other side, Tony has Portis, who fought his fullback this week like the two guys from "The Program". Which means, of course, that Mike Sellers will pick up a key block at the goal line that allows Portis to score the winning touchdown. Just like in "The Program!" James Caan will be happy. Also, Ben will destroy Detroit.

THE PICK: FIREROCK ROCKERS 77 - ST. A'S CRUSADERS 75 - OUTRAGE FROM ME WHEN I SCORE 90 AND LOSE BUT SOMEBODY WINS THIS GAME - INFINITE


WHIZ-BANG GANG (3-1) at DEATHFROMABOVE (3-1)

The winner of this one takes over the catbird seat in the WVFL. Fittingly, Yahoo! is predicting a 102-100 shootout. Which reminds me, here was Larry's comment to the Week 4 Review.

Jesus Christ, I'm averaging over 100 pts a week! My only loss was against Chris Johnson and the flukiest performance of the year. When am I ever good enough for you??!!I'd also like it noted that even if I played LJ vs. Mendenhall, I still would have won.

To keep him on a string, always guessing, I'm now going to say that he has the best team in the league and will prove it by winning this game. Constantly offering love and then mysteriously demanding more from somebody. It's how I'm training my daughter as well.

THE PICK: WHIZ-BANG GANG 250 - DEATHFROMABOVE 110


BROOKLINE BUCS (2-2) at STRINGFELLOW HAWKS (2-2)

There is absolutely nothing to not like about the Bucs' lineup this week and there's nothing to like about the Hawks'. Why waste any florid prose?

THE PICK: BROOKLINE BUCS 99 - STRINGFELLOW HAWKS 85


DOPPELGANGER (1-3) at ATLAS SHRUGGZ (2-2)

If you want to know how this one will turn out, just watch the Vikings/Rams game. With every Peterson 8-yard game and every Jackson 1-yard loss, this game will grow more and more lopsided, like a soccer ball somebody sat on for too long.

Eli will play just long enough to throw two first quarter touchdowns and who cares about the other Shruggz because Doppelganger is a complete mess.

Romo probably actually isn't any good, LenDale is useless, it seems like Braylon Edwards' one good year was an aberration and they're starting Bye at tight end.

Take the points in this one, not Doppelganger.

THE PICK: ATLAS SHRUGGZ 103 - DOPPELGANGER 68

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

So what is your record for picking my games away? It has to be terrible.