Monday, October 12, 2009

WVFL Week 5 Review

Another 5-1 week for the picks. That's now two weeks of 5-1 and three weeks of 3-3. I'm nothing if not consistenly inconsistent.

THE NEV-R-WINS 112.06 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 98.96

With Rivers out, I was between picking up McNabb or Favre, and seeing that four teams needed a QB fill-in, used my high waiver priority to get McNabb. If I ended up with Favre, I lose this game by 0.38 points and surely write the longest review rant of all time. But instead, something I did in fantasy football actually worked out. Sorry Mayans, looks like your prediction for the end of the world was off by three years. But hey, great job without telescopes, you guys.

On the one hand, I feel bad that Nate has averaged 65 points a game and lost the one game in which he finally put up some offense. The one in which Kellen Winslow put up six games' worth of points. On the other hand, I desperately needed a win and Nate's unlovable bunch of losers aren't going anywhere, so I don't give a shit.

And it's no surprise the Elbow went off this week. I have the highest points against by 34 points. I've had 122 more points against me than DFA has had. I have the 3rd most points in this league and I'm in 9th place. I'll take whatever win I can get.


IRON CITY POUNDERS 93.36 - PURPLE SWIRLS 68.24

Can somebody check the math on the Pounders box score? How does a team with a 5, 4.4, 5.5 and 4 end up with 93 points. Yeah, I see Ryan and Minnesota were good, but geez. Also, the Giants put up 44 points, but Brandon Jacobs only had 7.5? Is he no longer their #1 back?

Bad performances for the Pounders didn't matter so much because the bad performances for the Swirls were more numerous. And also worse. Cadillac Williams' 1.6 is a surprise because it was so high, and Mike Sims-Walker being a healthy scratch for violating team rules could've been much more devastating (and hilarious!) if the entire Swirls team wasn't with him in spirit.


FIREROCK ROCKERS 143.28 - ST. A'S CRUSADERS 65.22

This will make four straight trips into the Toyota zone for the Rockers with them getting top billing in the last two. And if LeSean McCoy wasn't invisible this week, it could've been even more ridiculous. Ben dominated as expected, Roddy White dominated way more than anybody expected and even Housh showed up, which was unexpected.

It's hard to get too down on a team that started two empty slots, but without Ahmad Bradshaw's big day, this would've been a 100-point loss. And it doesn't get much more down than that.


WHIZ-BANG GANG 62.88 - DEATHFROMABOVE 47.10

You will not find a clearer example of the injustice and luck of fantasy football than the Whiz-Bangers putting up 62 points against what was the highest-scoring team in the league...putting up the 2nd lowest total in the league this week against the first place team...getting 1 total point from Mason, Cooley and Miami combined...and winning. Excuse me, and FUCKING winning.

DFA got clipped by a missile from Caulen last week and hit the ground at 300 mph this week. Pieces of the tail were found 250 miles away. Calvin Johnson, Desean Jackson and McGahee had 0.5 points COMBINED. That is a single 5-yard run. Tom Brady's 14.5 was the only double digit total. The Colts' 9 points was the second best total. Just a gruesome scene, with no trace of human remains.

By the way, the WBG have allowed 79, 79 and 47 points during this 3-game rise to the top. You want to crown their ass? Crown their ass! Me, I'll wait and see.


STRINGFELLOW HAWKS 104.94 - BROOKLINE BUCS 86.38

The Hawks had the good backs, the Bucs had the good receivers. Thing is, the good back were more in number and they were better.

John Carlson has not done a damn thing since scoring 20+ from the bench in Week 1, which is a weird way of rewarding Skip Henry for four straight starts. Tennessee's plummet back to Earth at terminal velocity is really taking a lot of the value off of Chris Johnson.

Matt Schaub only lost 2 fantasy points for floating a sideline pass that was intercepted and returned for the game-winning touchdown with two minutes left. Fantasy and Reality do not meet at this intersection, friend. This is Fantasy and Ridiculousness. Reality is five blocks south.


ATLAS SHRUGGZ 96.46 - DOPPELGANGER 93.94

When you're 2-3, have given up the most points in the league, are completely self-absorbed and also whiny, you tend to look for things to complain about. Fortunately, in the WVFL, you don't have to look far. Take this game for instance, in which Atlas Shruggz moved to 3-2.

Clint, who checks his team every week, as judged by the constantly-morphing logos and names, did not care enough to enough to cut Greg Olsen for a fill-in tight end during Chicago's bye week. Nine different tight free agent tight ends had more than 3 points this week, enough to give Doppelganger the win.

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