THE NEV-R-WINS 143.06 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 83.98
You mathheads can take your ruuuuuuules and shove them. The two negatives of either the Nev-R-Wins or Rockers appearing in the Toyota ad should've created the positive of neither team getting blown out. Instead, things went haywire and I put up the highest total of the season, the anti-matter of fantasy football.
Ray Rice is rewarded both my foresight in drafting him and my patience is not shipping him to Panama when McGahee stole his early season touchdowns.
This may be the season where my crazy hex luck finally reverses, evidenced by Matt Forte's 4 points and terrible season after my trade offers for him were denied. And that would be the Higgs Boson of fantasy football.
WHIZ-BANG GANG 122.72 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 105.90
Larry is trying for the West View Triple Crown. He's currently leading the WVFL, his WVHL division and the Gatekeeper league. I have known Larry for 20 years now (oh God!) and I can assure you that this would be the greatest achievement of his life.
DeAngelo Williams finally did something this week and the WBG needed every bit he had to pull out the win. Brandon Jacobs did nothing this week and the Pounders needed a lot more from him.
PURPLE SWIRLS 112.20 - ST. A'S CRUSADERS 102.86
Well, Josh Scobee did not actually decide this game. And the Crusaders won't do any Tuesday morning quarterbacking after a close loss because their entire bench had a bye, so no problems with the lineup. Except for Greg Jennings' 6.40 points. Wasn't he supposed to be good this year or something?
The Swirls are 4-2 with the 10th most points in the league. They're about to exposed like that weird UFO balloon family in Colorado. Unless Owen Daniels keeps scoring two TDs a week.
THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 101.76 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 90.82
This year, I've picked the Lions to beat the Redskins in one pool and I picked the Elbow to win this game. Asking me to choose a favorite upset pick would be like asking Mr. and Mrs. Emanuel to pick a favorite son. The Hollywood superagent, the White House Chief of Staff or the world-respected surgeon?
This game features career bests from Thomas Jones and Wes Welker, but the career normal average game from Reggie Bush did the Shruggz.
By the way, please nobody bring Nate down off of his cloud by mentioning that if the Shruggz started Cutler instead of Eli, they would've won by 2.
Side Trivia - Reggie Bush and Vince Young were the #2 and #3 picks in the same draft. No, seriously!
DEATHFROMABOVE 129.00 - BROOKLINE BUCS 118.24
DFA took to the skies after being grounded the last two weeks and the Bucs lost despite posting their highest total of the season. If only that dang John Carlson could've done more than 5.5 points. Cleveland's decision to leave Hines Ward uncovered didn't pay off for them, but Coach Dickface's decision to have Tom Brady gunning up 45-0 paid off for DFA, as Brady racked up 39.20 points.
Somehow Sammy Morris only got 0.9 of the 59 points New England put up. And Willis McGahee, your days of usefulness are over.
TURD SANDWICH 93.88 - DOPPELGANGER 74.92
The most impressive thing Clint has done this season is figured out how to make his team name totally invisible and unclickable. Other than that, it's been a lot of single-digit efforts.
Man, I'm so old, I remember when Steve Smith was good.