LAST WEEK: 5-1
We are heading down to San Diego tomorrow so I can talk to Darren Sproles and see if I should start him this week. Okay, we're actually heading down to go the zoo and the wild animal park, which I assume is just a different where you could maybe be eaten.
So this week's preview is going to be quick and businesslike, much like my dispatching the Rockers last week.
THE NEV-R-WINS (3-3) at PURPLE SWIRLS (4-2)
I tried to trade Donovan McNabb to Caulen this week because his QB is on a bye. Then I remembered we were playing each other and frantically booted up the computer along the coffee maker in order to cancel the trade. By the time I was logged on, Caulen had already rejected the trade because he was going to pick up Chad Henne. I'm not sure what this says about either one of us, but I am sure that McNabb will have 30 points this week and Henne will have -2.
I like all of my matchups except for Sproles, who will either have two touchdowns or two touches. Carnell Williams and Donald Brown have nice matchups for Caulen, but they split carries. Plus, Tampa is playing in London, so Williams has to deal with the exchange rate. It's hard to fear Henne when he's only on the field for 65% of his team's snaps.
THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 101 - PURPLE SWIRLS 88
IRON CITY POUNDERS (3-3) at BROOKLINE BUCS (2-4)
Matt Ryan is going to sit back and pick apart Dallas, while it's entirely possible that Warner is hit so hard that Leinart comes into the game. The main thing about this matchup is that it'll come down to Monday with Westbrook against Moss.
On one side, a coach who only called 14 runs against the league's worst run defense. On the other, an organization falling apart in a way Washington hasn't seen in at least two years. While Brookline is yelling for more screens to Westbrook, the Pounders will be yelling for Todd Collins, who at least throws deep occasionally.
THE PICK: BROOKLINE BUCS 85 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 78
ST. A'S CRUSADERS (3-3) at WHIZ-BANG GANG (5-1)
On NFL Total Access today, Joey Porter said Miami's gameplan this week is to try and shut down the run and force Drew Brees to hit his targets. If that's the truth, the Crusaders are going to be ringing up points like they're playing pinball.
Thing is, with Rodgers going against Cleveland, the WBG should keep pace.
Thing is, Rodgers needs to keep the ball away from Jennings, because those would be Crusader points.
Thing is, he has been.
Thing is, Mendenhall isn't going too far against Minnesota.
Thing is, I've worn out this angle.
THE PICK: ST. A'S CRUSADERS 110 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 103
THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (1-5) at FIREROCK ROCKERS (3-3)
Well, we know which game is going to be on the Toyota ad come Tuesday. It'll be like watching somebody beat their kid in the auto maintenance aisle at Wal-Mart. Actually, I only said that because Firerock has five straight Toyota games. I think this one will be close.
I also think the Elbow will win. Again.
Manning and Jones have dream matchups, Lynch against Carolina isn't terrible and The Bullet Train should find his way back into the end zone against the Chiefs.
Whereas Portis and Forte will struggle, Maclin is an all or nothing player and Maroney will do nothing just because this is the week it seems like he'll do something.
THE PICK: THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 105 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 89
DOPPELGANGER (1-5) at DEATHFROMABOVE (4-2)
If you think bye weeks can't hurt a man, let me introduce you to the team starting Justin Fargas and Beanie Wells at RB. Of course, nobody actually thinks that about bye weeks. Everybody knows they're trouble, I was just creating a straw man as a literary device.
Clint, on the other hand, has created a straw man as a fantasy team. Proving for the one millionth time that luck and timing are 95% of fantasy football, DFA fields their weakest lineup the same week they face Doppelganger.
THE PICK: DEATHFROMABOVE 71 - DOPPELGANGER 40
TURD SANDWICH (4-2) at ATLAS SHRUGGZ (3-3)
Right now, Adrian Peterson has the 4th most fantasy points. Three quarterbacks are ahead of him and one of them is...Matt Schaub. Nothing else really stands out in this game, so it's mainly going to be decided by which player delivers an unexpected 20-pointer.
I am been tuned in on Shruggz games this season for some reason, so I feel like I need to dazzle them once again. How about this? The Shruggz will need 4.2 points from Brent Celek on Monday night to win...and only get 3.
THE PICK: TURD SANDWICH 95 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 94