I am sick. Caught the bear flu. Wicked new strain coming out of Nova Scotia. While it does lead to impressive phlegm cohesion, it does not lead to good comedy. Let's see what happened this week.
THE NEV-R-WINS 106.82 - THE PURPLE SWIRLS 81.54
I have reached a Zen state in my life and things are going well. When the Tea Partiers screamed against healthcare for all, I stopped reading the news. Now a bill with a public option has been submitted in Congress. When my team opened up this season 0-3, I stopped caring about fantasy football, and now I'm 4-3 after four straight 100+ point games. Only by letting go can you grab what you want.
But I still am not that confident. Though as if to remind me that the Fates are still in charge, I dropped Darren Sproles for Leon Washington on Friday. I was out of town and used my phone to do so, that's how badly I wanted to make the move. Not only was that a 15-point mistake, Washington broke his leg so severely that the fibula pierced his skin and he's out for the rest of the season.
This loss knocks Caulen out of the playoffs for now. Fortunately for him, no kicker was putting up 26 points this week, so his refusal to drop Mike Sims-Walker will never prove to be pound wise, penny foolish.
IRON CITY POUNDERS 97.82 - BROOKLINE BUCS 47.54
Why I do even bother?? uttered a faint voice in the night. Now that Scott Henry has let loose this koan, his team will rip off four straight wins of their own. Actually, probably not, since he has the wrong Dallas Austin. He has Austin Collie, he wants Miles Austin.
The Pounders won by 50 and they didn't even crack 100. What else do you want me to say about them?
ST. A'S CRUSADERS 110.22 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 102.84
The WBG needed 11 points from Chris Cooley on Monday night to win. What they got instead was a knee injury. When Cooley was being carted off the field, we saw that his hair was freshly dyed a light yellow. Not blond. He looked like Yahoo Serious. The Whiz-Bang Gang did not deserve 11 points from such a person. This team has now scored 60 and won and 102 and lost. Some year.
0.7 from Bradshaw. 4.8 from Barber. 2.3 from Breaston. 5.2 from Jennings, who has been incredibly disappointing this season. How did the Crusaders end up winning this game, anyway? Oh, that's right. Alex Smith came into the game down 21-0 and promptly threw three touchdowns to Vernon Davis.
FIREROCK ROCKERS 106.20 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 72.70
The Elbow's one-game winning streak was snapped in brutal fashion, despite Tomlinson's best rushing output of the year. 71 yards. Speaking of San Diego, we were down there this weekend to visit the Zoo and Wild Animal Park and even though we stayed in the restaurant- and bar-stuffed Gaslamp District, I have a kid, so I was stuck watching hotel TV Saturday night. I ended up watching Beer League. The acting is brutal, the dialogue is elementary-level, the whole thing is terrible and maybe one thing made me laugh. It reminded me of the Elbow in a lot of ways.
Matt Forte, the #5 overall pick in our league, had 4.9 points.
DEATHFROMABOVE 123.62 - DOPPELGANGER 59.74
By 0.06 points, this is our Toyota Blowout of the Week, ending Firerock's five-week run in the commercial spotlight. Doppelganger started two guys on a bye, including a kicker, and Tony Romo had 27 points by himself. I cannot overstate how much I am looking forward to my Week 10 matchup with this team.
Tom Brady, DeSean Jackson and Darren Sproles alone would've been enough to give DFA the win in this one.
TURD SANDWICH 150.26 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 86.52
One week after Nate wondered if my 143 was a league record, Turd Sandwich, aka Usain Bolt, throws up 150. Gates had 5.5, Tashard Choice had 2.3 and everybody else was well into double digits, including Nate Kaeding. Even Ryan Grant finally showed up for a game.
I was wrong about Brent Celek needing 4 points Monday night for a Shruggz win. Turns out, he needed 74.