LAST WEEK: 5-1
The minutae of life is starting to interfere with the picks. Friday was a busy day at work, so I couldn't write. Last night, after dealing with yardwork and the kid, I decided I'd rather drink wine and watch Austin City Limits than make pithy picks. This morning, I am hungover on said wine, but with a stunning 35-19 record on the season, I gotta put something up here!
THE NEV-R-WINS (5-4) at DOPPELGANGER (1-8)
I am going to win, even though Clint actually has a full lineup for this one. But it's going to be closer than I prefer thanks to Favre and Steven Jackson. If I'm leading after Sunday night, I will be sorely tempted to flirt with my good juju and bench Ray Rice Monday night in a type of victory lap.
THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 99 - DOPPELGANGER 91
IRON CITY POUNDERS (5-4) at DEATHFROMABOVE (7-2)
When the afternoon games finish, the Pounders will be up something like 85-60 and things will be looking great. Then Brady, Maroney and Stover will take the field in the evening game.
THE PICK: DEATHFROMABOVE 86 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 85
ST. A'S CRUSADERS (5-4) at TURD SANDWICH (6-3)
It gets a little tougher for the Crusaders this week, having to face a full lineup and all. It gets ven tougher when you realize Hester and Davis played Thursday and only put up 6 points.
I'm calling Carolina over Atlanta today, so limit Turner's points, Ocho won't score points for talking to Ike Taylor all day and Ryan Grant sucks this year.
If Belichick coached the Saints, Brees might throw 9 TDs today. But seeing as how Sean Payton has normal human emotions, he'll probably only squeeze off 4.
THE PICK: ST. A'S CRUSADERS 71 - TURD SANDWICH 69
THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (2-7) at BROOKLINE BUCS (3-6)
In an unfortunate coincidence, the Raiders are also playing the Chiefs today. Games like that go one of two ways. A 10-6 punting clinic...or a 31-28 shootout decided in the last minute.
Andy Reid has said Westbrook and McCoy will rotate series, which is another awful decision by Andy Reid. Was a stopwatch counting down when he made that choice? Did he feel rushed? Yahoo! predicts an astounding 24 points for Chris Johnson. That is astoundingly outstanding.
THE PICK: BROOKLINE BUCS 90 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 85
FIREROCK ROCKERS (5-4) at WHIZ-BANG GANG (7-2)
The Rockers got a 16-point head start thanks to the Niners' complete inability to cover swing screens. It looked like the Bears were running those plays in practice, the way it was just Forte and a lineman in space.
In short, all of the matchups are good for Firerock and bad for the fraudalent WBG.
THE PICK: FIREROCK ROCKERS 99 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 81
PURPLE SWIRLS (5-4) at ATLAS SHRUGGZ (3-6)
The Shruggz had the great foresight to bench Cutler before his Thursday night pickfest...but their other QB is Eli Manning, who has a bad. As bad as Cutler was, his 7 points are still better than 0. 75 minutes before kickoff and Chris Mortensen is reporting that the Shruggz have picked up Matt Cassel. Since Mort is reporting it, I know it's wrong.
On NFL Network, the remarkably cute and elfin Lindsay Soto is reporting that our league locked down waivers like we do every Sunday, so the Shruggz are screwed. Guess they're running the wildcat today.
So, Caulen, can you beat a team with no quarterback? Not no quarterback in the Raiders' sense, but literally no quarterback? Will Ladell Betts be the key after your affair with Ryan Moats fizzled out so quickly? And, like me, would you enjoy sex with Lindsay Soto?
THE PICK: PURPLE SWIRLS 101 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 71