TURD SANDWICH 104.50 - THE NEV-R-WINS 97.00
On Monday, I tried to think of ways I could make up a 1-point deficit with Andre Johnson if Turd Sandwich had the guy who throws to Andre Johnson. Every scenario involved turnovers, gruesome injuries or both and none came to pass.
Somehow the Chargers put up 32 on Denver with Rivers only throwing for 145 and 1 touchdown. That probably hurt me a bit. That and Charger kicker Nate Kaeding scoring 15 points.
Fortunately, all the teams that could've caught me in the standings also lost, leaving The Nev-R-Wins in fourth place with two colossal matchups on deck.
ATLAS SHRUGGZ 107.34 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 101.72
Rex Ryan is supposedly some defensive genius and yet Wes Welker caught 15 balls on 17 throws for 192 yards. Even late in the game, Welker would line up in the slot and be facing a linebacker who couldn't even come close to covering him. How smart do you have to be to A, see the Pats have three receivers on the field and B, figure out that it's time to put a starting corner on Welker and nickel coverage on Edelman? Jesus Christ.
Also, remember back in August when everybody appointed Chicago to the Super Bowl because they got Cutler? Well, Cutler sucks and so does that defense. Nice one, everybody.
For the first time maybe all year, Jennings had a better game than Driver and that is what cost the Pounders the win here. That and Colston only posting 7.4 in a 38-7 romp.
DEATHFROMABOVE 116.30 - ST. A'S CRUSADERS 102.28
DFA has the most points in the league, six wins in a row and they faced the fewest points total so far. Even Jason Snelling put up 20 points for them this week. I would like to take this time to reiterate that DFA definitely will not win the WVFL Cup this year because that is not how fantasy football works. That is all.
Drew Brees had 3 touchdowns on only 187 yards, which has to be one of the tightest ratios in the league this year. One TD for every 60 yards is odd. The Crusaders had to start Devin Hester, but they didn't get any bonus points for Hester showing the entire world his chocolate buns.
DOPPELGANGER 78.92 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 67.56
This was not nearly as exciting as Browns/Lions. Nate managed to have two players with negative points, which is really, really hard to do. Especially considering Devery Henderson did it on -2 receiving yards and not a fumble.
All of a sudden, Steven Jackson has returned to fantasy relevance, but completely under the radar because he's doing it for terrible teams. In the NFL, the Rams. In the WVFL, Doppelganger.
BROOKLINE BUCS 119.52 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 103.22
I think mathematically, the Bucs are still alive in the playoffs, but the math would take a big whiteboard, a lot of furious scribbling and a person with a mustache and terriblr social skills. A shame too, because they actually have the sixth-most points in the league. But giving up the second-most overall can really keep a team down.
The team that's seen the most points against this season, Firerock, really blew a prime opportunity to put a stake in a playoff claim. That'll happen when Steve Breaston has no catches and your first round pick that you refused to trade only puts up 7.40.
The Rockers face Doppelganger and Turd Sandwich to close the season, and if we know anything about this fantasy game, they'll lose to Doppelganger and beat Turd Sandwich, but it'll be too late.
WHIZ-BANG GANG 112.06 - PURPLE SWIRLS 107.54
The Swirls continued their four-week running back flirtation by putting in a waiver claim for Justin Forsett and then benching him because Ladell Betts had been with the franchise longer. By one week. Well, Betts got hurt 5 yards into the game, Forsett put up 14.9 and the Swirls lost by 4.5 points. Also, Joe Flacco has sucked ever since Caulen signed him. Look for the Swirls to continue their Anne Heche-like back carousel by picking up Jim Carryman, or whoever it is that will be running for Washington this week.
The WBG have won four straight and have the third most points in the league. It doesn't even matter that they won because Rob Bironas had two 50-yard field goals, which is a total fluke. In fact, Bironas' last-second 53-yarder won the game for both the Titans and the WBG, which had 107.06 as Bironas lined up his kick. But I'm sure they're for real.