THE NEV-R-WINS 78.48 - DEATHFROMABOVE 62.68
If another team had clinched a playoff spot after starting an inactive running back and their opponent, the highest-scoring team in the league only posted 62 points, I'd be raising so much hell that a Sarah Palin rally would seem calm and thoughtful in comparison. My God, would I be mad.
But for once, it was me and thus, I am angry at all. In fact, I was quite joyful. Besides, even inactive, Benson outscored Snelling by 1.2 points.
IRON CITY POUNDERS 109.40 - ST. A'S CRUSADERS 95.14
I'll be doing a whole look at playoff scenarios this week, but this game had a lot of playoff implications. By winning, the Pounders took control of their own destiny. And they did it with Matt Ryan breaking his toe early on and putting up less than a point. Now all they have to do is find another QB before this week's crucial season close.
The main factor in this game was Driver vs. Jennings, and with Driver winning that battle 20.20 to 5.30, it really made for a perfect microcosm of the whole Packer season.
It's hard to believe somebody could've had Drew Brees this week and lost, but it's sort of Brees' fault since the Pounders had Colston.
TURD SANDWICH 130.70 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 108.36
Before the season, the Elbow was predicted to be epically, historically bad. As perhaps fitting a disappointing team, they disappointed and ended up being merely bad. Though it's probably all for the best, since Colts coach Jim Calhoun (No, wait! Caldwell!) consulted with Peyton Manning (I'm sure) and announced that the Colts would rest starters down the stretch after clinching the division in Week 12. Probably better off that Manning sitting won't hurt a WVFL playoff team.
The Sandwich sat Miles Austin, perhaps fearing that he would get Nnamdied. Instead, Austin ripped off 20.50 points, none of which the Sandwich actually needed, except for the Midway Pinball High Scorer of the Year Award, sponsored by Midway Pinball.
DOPPELGANGER 89.08 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 80.88
In Cowher's last year (thus far), the Steelers went into Cincy in Week 17. The Steelers were already eliminated, but the Bengals could get into the playoffs with a win. I distinctly remember seeing Hines Ward in pre-game warmup tell the camera that if we weren't going to the playoffs, they weren't either. Clint, apparently, feels the same way.
What Tony did in fantasy this week was equivalent to...nothing actually. The best I can come up with is that it's like he was watching TV, got up for something, ended up in the kitchen, forgot what he got up for in the first place, grabbed a Diet Rite and didn't remember he disliked Diet Rite until he sat back down and had three sips. He picked up Felix Jones to play instead of Matt Forte (the 5th overall pick), then forgot to start Jones. And even if he did start Jones, he still would've lost. Looks like Ben's concussion lost the game for two teams.
BROOKLINE BUCS 89.50 - PURPLE SWIRLS 82.08
Late season injury pickup and latest Caulen running back flirtation, Justin Forsett, had 25. The rest of the Swirls were not Scottish, and therefore, crap.
Don't look now, but Chris Johnson is actually a reasonable distance away from 2,000 yards. Terrell Owens caught a 60-yard bomb in the Bills game, and that right there was enough to give Scoot Henry the win.
WHIZ-BANG GANG 91.72 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 84.50
As the WBG takes the inside track on the Presidents' Trophy, let's take time to remember that the Titans were 13-3 last year. On a week when DeAngelo had 5, Beanie had 4.1, Shockey had 1.5 and Burleson had 4.6, how did the Whizzers pull out a win? Well, Green Bay played Detroit, and Rodgers and the Packer DST combined for 46.42.
Going into Monday night with Meachem, Welker and the Patriots DST, the Shruggz probably thought they had a decent shot. At least until Welker was tackled immediately after every catch and the Patriot defense was exposed as a Madoff-level fraud.