It's all over but the crying. And also the playoffs.
THE NEV-R-WINS 115.32 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 69.10
My prediction of this being the blowout of the week came to pass, but the part about the Pounders missing the playoffs did not. By 6.09 points.
Yes, Alex Smith having a flukishly good 20-point game is what put the Pounders into the playoffs. Think about that, why don't ya?
My goal of finishing with the #1 point total and the #4 playoff total got an Incomplete grade, and the new experience of actually making the playoffs left me so confused that I forgot to print up commemorative apparel and merchandise.
ATLAS SHRUGGZ 122.74 - ST. A'S CRUSADERS 96.06
A four-game losing streak in the middle of the season wasn't enough to keep the Shruggz out of the playoffs, as they won when they needed to. And in spectacular fashion, to boot. Sure, Adrian Peterson had 6.5 points and Robert Meachem had 26.20 (including 6 on that fumble strip from a defensive back he ran in), but a win is a win.
The Crusaders had enough points to get into the playoffs, but not enough wins. Had they won this game, they'd be playing with their fantasy lineup this Thursday instead of their ding dongs. I'm sure Marion Barber's 2.3 points in this key game won't cause much offseason consternation.
DEATHFROMABOVE 97.38 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 84.90
Facing the Elbow, DFA is basically treated to two bye weeks going into the playoffs. Must be nice. And this new "Just throw it up to Calvin Johnson" offense in Detroit might go a long way in those playoffs.
The takeaway for the Elbow this year is that Tomlinson got just good enough at the end of the year to make him a tempting 2nd round pick next season. Playing up there in Seattle? Oh man, he'll be revitalized!
TURD SANDWICH 133.58 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 91.32
One team that didn't back into anything was Turd Sandwich, which posted the most points this week, thereby clinching the Presidents' Trophy. Ryan Grant had 4.10, making him the only Turd not to post double digits. Which makes him an actual turd.
TK has to live with the knowledge that he would've made the playoffs if he won this game, but he can be soothed with the knowledge that he had no chance of winning this game. And also that he won two separate baseball legues this year. Even though nobody cares about baseball.
PURPLE SWIRLS 109.34 - DOPPELGANGER 72.90
The Swirls gave it their best, but I guess their best wasn't good enough. Caulen played running back roulette this season and went bankrupt.
Clint was the only person to not crack the thousand-point mark this season and somebody should give him a plaque or something for that. Though I have a sneaking suspicion he's going to hack Yahoo and put his team into the playoffs. Don't think Yahoo! can be hacked? Think AGAIN.
BROOKLINE BUCS 79.50 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 63.32
For about a month now, I've been calling the WBG the fraudiest fraud that ever fraud and Larry has been responding to me with an increasing amount of vitriol. The spittle flying reached a crescendo last week, when the WBG seemed certain of clinching a bye. Things have quieted down this week for some reason. But you hire Bill Cowher to run your team, you have to know the regular season might be your high point.
Of the 63 points the WBG managed to puke up this week, 39 came from Rodgers and Mendenhall. I wouldn't make those reservations for Miami just yet.
Skip Henry has already himself pointed out that if he started Warner over Palmer this week, he would've made the playoffs. And as we all know, when Brookline makes the tournament, they go to the big dance. Oh well. At least he has...some...other...interest or something to fall back on.