Almost as fun as the season-opening draft, the Week 1 waiver wire rush is always a fun madhouse. Sure, Brandon Jackson should and will be added, but let’s not wear treads in Brandon Lloyd’s driveway just yet. Let sense carry the day for once.
THE NEV-R-WINS 118.62 – WHIZ-BANG GANG 97.72
I certainly wasn’t expecting 230 yards and 3 TDs, but I definitely drafted Arian Foster on purpose. Of course, I also drafted Peterson on purpose and Childress benched him. Luckily, Foster went off and Brady recovered from having his hair messed up in a car crash to throw 3 TDs. Anyway, people are refusing to give me credit, much like they refused to give me credit for a fantastic playoff run last year. I asked Hines Ward what to do about this and smiled that 50-tooth smile and said, “Motivation, baby! Nobody outside of this locker room believed in us!”
The silver lining for the WBG is that Foster and the Texans beat the Colts, which means there will possibly come a time one day when the WBG beat me. Right now, they have Week 12 triple circled on their calendar.
C.J. Spiller only contributed 1.5 points to the effort, which…if we can’t count on a rookie running back sharing carries with two other guys on a terrible team to average at least 5 points a week, what can we count on in this life? Kevin Kolb couldn’t get the ball to DeSean Jackson and then he got hurt, so Vick started not getting the ball to
Michael Crabtree is terrible. Alex Smith is terrible. It’s not a good combo for fantasy points. In fact, I wonder if any other team in other league throughout the universe in perpetuity had Schaub, Crabtree and Gore all starting and still won. Seems unlikely.
HAWKS 73.42 – FIREROCK ROCKERS 69.36
With Rivers, Boldin and Mathews all playing Monday night, the Hawks certainly did save the best for last. Nothing quite like a 30-point comeback spread out over six hours. Especially nice for the Hawks that Rivers scored 5 tantrum points for flailing his arms, ripping his chinstrip off and kicking the ball after a delay of game. On another note, I try hard not to jump to conclusions after Week 1, but I said Mike Sims-Walker wouldn’t follow up last year and he had a nice, round 0 Sunday.
Clay Mathews, Jr. wrapping up Kolb’s arms and then piledriving him into the turf face first is basically what cost the Rockers the win. Surely Kolb had another 5 points left in him when he went out. Because with Stewart and Best only combining for 32 yards, the Rockers certainly needed more Kolb.
Well, let’s just say that if I was DFA, the recap of my game would be as long as a magazine and as unfocused as the Tea Party platform. Scoring the 3rd-most points and losing? Losing by 3.32 because Ryan Grant got hurt in the first half? Finding out Ryan Grant is done for the year? I would not be handling any of that well. At all.
The Texans lit up Indy, but Andre Johnson and Schaub combined for about 10 points. Odd. Meanwhile, the Pounders managed to get 26.3 points out of Larry Fitzgerald and the Arizona D in an uneven, 17-13 win. Also odd. And that Marion Barber bust ceiling is looking pretty high. Though I’m sure Matt Forte will have a 70-yard TD catch every week.
PURPLE SWIRLS 91.38 – ATLAS SHRUGGZ 83.54
The 20th pick of our draft, Shonn Greene, had two fumbles, a dropped pass and today Rex Ryan says he’ll now be splitting time with Tomlinson. Which means Brady, Calvin and Best, the 3 guys picked between Greene and Grant in the Curse Corner, should start to panic.
When Jimmy Clausen is under center and you have a
Well, this is uncomfortable. It’s like a buddy who refuses a beer while watching football so you keep ragging him and calling him a puss and waving beers at him until he finally explodes “I’m a recovering alcoholic and my dad just got a DUI!” It’s just like that. And thus, I won’t be mocking the All Stars for a while.
Darren McFadden had 21 points? When did that happen? So…how many teams lost by 8 points when Calvin Johnson’s 30-yard TD catch was ruled a drop? None in this league, of course, but still.