Monday, September 20, 2010

WVFL Week 2 Review

Our shared dream of an all 1-1 league didn't come to pass this week, thanks to the grass roots efforts of the Tea Party, who hate an even distribution of anything. Maybe after week four we'll have our utopia.

THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 105.60 - THE NEV-R-WINS 74.52
My dream of an undefeated season burned up on the launch pad like Apollo...whichever one burned up on the launch pad. 11? At least I didn't waste a good week from anybody. Though I went to a notary public to get my concerns about Dwayne Bowe officially certified. And I lost once again on flex roulette.

Tim Hightower still sucks, 80-yard TD run be damned. He had 10 carries for 35 yards and added one heaping pile of bullshit. Things went so well for Nate that Anthony Dixon had a TD on the bench and Sanchez outscored Peyton. Bah. It's early.


BROOKLINE'S FINEST 111.08 - LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 93.86
Webster was hoping that the Saints would hold Frank Gore in check, and in a way, they did. They kept him under 30 points. And Matt Schaub was so incredible that Brookline had Garcon post a 1.1 and Owens a 5.7 and they still put up 111. Thank God Brookline resisted whatever temptation there might be to start Eli after Schaub was so quiet last week.

The Great Waiver Order To Do of 2010 ended with Brandon Jackson getting 11 carries and eventually being replaced by a white running back, John Kuhn. John Kuhn is the name of a guy who goes to Packer games, not plays in them. Randy Moss didn't receive any bonus points for his incredible one-handed catch, and Jerome Harrison continues to play for the Browns.


WHIZ-BANG GANG 108.20 - HAWKS 91.46
What an adorable win. The WBG must be so proud of themselves. 38 points alone out of the Green Bay trampling and Wes Welker seems like he might have 800 yards and 20 TDs this year. And, even better, Ahmad Bradshaw will probably get every single Giants carry the rest of the year after Brandon Jacobs' spectacle Sunday night.

If Ryan Mathews just doesn't get hurt...


IRON CITY POUNDERS 109.80 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 85.94
Hopefully TK is in a Tacoma Motel 5 and didn't check in on this one. And if his quarterbacks are going to be Derek Anderson and David Garrard, he might as well just stay out on the road. Those two combined for 11.26 points this week. Jahvid Best had 45.20, almost as much as every Rocker (including bench players!) did.

The Pounders must have been freaking out with every Best update until they consulted TK's lineup and realized there was nothing else to worry about. I mocked the Mark Clayton waiver wiring, then he went out and made two TD grabs and nothing else. Now I am positive he's done for the year.


PURPLE SWIRLS 111.66 - DEATHFROMABOVE 57.66
Caulen made a big deal about really wanting Vick, then didn't play him and now Kolb is back. And Kolb will stay back because Big Andy dumped McNabb for him and he can't dump Kolb now. The Steelers D turned in one of the most incredible performances I've ever seen and it seems like they deserve more than 22 points. Lastly, I was so, so wrong about Miles Austin.

What can you say about this DFA game? Brandon Jacobs got 8 yards, then threw his helmet into the stands. He demanded a trade Monday which the Giants rejected. He probably won't do much more this year. DFA started a white tailback who plays for Cleveland. About the only good news is that Chris Johnson's complete annihilation by Lawrence Timmons isn't the reason DFA lost. Every single other thing in this matchup was.


ST. A'S CRUSADERS 98.28 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 56.10
Last year, DFA and Atlas finished 4th and 5th. This year, they're already battling for 2011's first pick. Brett Favre looks older than Melanie Griffith and Cutler has thrown for 700 yards already, so look for a change at QB next week. Shonn Greene, bust.

Kyle Orton is secretly good. Vince Young had -.16 this week. And that concludes this week's episode of Six Blowouts.

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