I tell you what, it's going to be a lot of fun owning Adrian Peterson for the next five years. I mean, it is a true joy. And 9th-round pick Santana Moss is starting to look pretty good. Starting him in place of Bowe even woke sleepy old Dwayne up. Made me not even notice that picking up Maroney was a waste and Witten got hurt.
Mendenhall and Gore did great work, but nobody else chipped in. Schaub was useless and though it would've been funny if Janikowski's missed chip shot cost Brookline the win, we can only imagine how funny it would have been.
Owning McGahee is looking pretty nice right now, though.
THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 136.40 - HAWKS 109.86
Here's something to nibble on. If Nate started Spiller over Hightower and Roy Williams over Colston, he would've put up 169.50. His leading scorer this week was Austin Collie! This app he used to draft his team is probably the single greatest use of an Apple product in history. Except for that one brochure somebody did one time.
The Hawks would've won 3 other games this week handily, but they drop to 1-2 anyway. The coverage on Boldin's three touchdowns looked like some sort of experiment to see if a guy could get TOO open, but having three Jaguars in your lineup is too much to overcome in most weeks, particularly one where they put up 3 points at home.
WHIZ-BANG GANG 91.94 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 67.22
All you can do is play the team in front of you, and this week the Whizzers got to play a team taking a nap. Andre Johnson has the dreaded high ankle sprain, Larry Fitzgerald has the dreaded shitty quarterback, Matt Forte has the dreaded non-blocking line and Michael Bush plays for the Raiders. This could be where things start heading downhill for the Pounders.
Clinton Portis has been relegated to a 3rd down back, teams will eventually triple-team Roddy White and David Buehler might get cut soon. Enjoy it while it lasts, bucko.
PURPLE SWIRLS 94.20 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 78.10
So...uh...hey, we all bench the wrong guy in the wrong week. But Lee Evans hasn't been good in like 6 years. The good news is, Tony is currently touring the country, seeing beautiful people everywhere. The bad news is, he checks in on his team from some $1 a minute truck stop internet kiosk twice a week.
Now, just because the Swirls only have the 5th-most points in the league and have had the fewest points against by a 31-point gap, don't call them the fakest 3-0 team east of Kansas City. Because they are now the fakest 3-0 team west of Kansas City.
Question is, when Caulen finally gums up the gumption to start Vick over Brees in Week 4, is that when Vick falls apart? Only one way to find out...
DEATHFROMABOVE 125.96 - ST. A'S CRUSADERS 118.54
At the end of the San Diego/Seattle game, a delay of game moved San Diego back to the 17. On 3rd and 4th down, Rivers threw at Gates in the end zone twice, both were broken up. If Gates caught either one, it would've been another 7.7 points and a Crusader win. How 'bout them apples?
Of course, if you're going to have two defenses on your roster, don't start the one that is absolutely terrible. Start the good one instead. That would be another way to win.
Question. Are Peyton Hillis' 24 points the most ever by a white tailback? Somebody go look up Craig James' stats. All I know is, Hillis and Collie combined for 51 points this week and Jon Gruden called John Kuhn an old-style Packer running back, gritty and hardworking just because he couldn't come right out and say white with no moves.
LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 84.98 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 81.54
The one black mark on my latest chance at a 6-0 week, this game is also the league's black mark. It's almost unfair that teams with 109 and 118 lost this week while the All Stars get a win just for the being the biggest turd in a small bowl.
If they gave bonus points for throwing off your back foot down the middle, Cutler would've secured a victory for the Shruggz. But as it stands, they're only left to wonder why they would even have Brandon Lloyd on their roster, let alone on the bench for his biggest game in 3 years. Knowing full well he won't score another 24 points the rest of the year.