Monday, October 11, 2010

WVFL Week 5 Review

HAWKS 103.54 - THE NEV-R-WINS 66.50
My team has shown an interesting knack for shutting it down when we realize it's futile. In a way, it's good because I don't waste any big weeks or touchdowns from my players. But it sure doesn't look good on the scoreboard. It's fitting that I have Arian Foster, since my team is so similar to the Texans right now. We either blow out or get blown out, but there's a lot of blowing going.

The Hawks have now gone over 100 for 3 straight weeks and I'm happy to be their first victory. If they scored 103 and lost again, they would start making films like The Seventh Seal 2 - The Eighth Seal, in which they play the Specter of Death in fantasy sports.


PURPLE SWIRLS 74.16 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 60.56
The Swirls are 4-1 even though they have the 8th most points in the league. Mainly because they haven't even had 400 points against in 5 weeks. DFA has outscored the Swirls by 30, but they've had an extra 130 points against, so they're 2-3. The Swirls had THREE players post a 0, their backs combined for 7.8 points, but they got 19 defensive points. The Swirls are the NFC West champion, the team everybody else hopes to draw in the playoffs.

Boy, when the Elbow lose, they go all out.


IRON CITY POUNDERS 87.18 - BROOKLINE'S FINEST 68.94
With optimal lineups, this one would've been 143.46 - 103.08, which would've been much more fun. But the Pounders benched Matt "20 or 5" Forte on one of his up weeks, when he put up 30. They also benched Malcom Floyd's 31 points. This recapsule would've been a lot more fun if the Pounders lost.

But the Finest lost, dropping to 3-2 and becoming Brookline's Mediocrest. Matt Schaub bombed out, Gore lost two fumbles and Terrell Owens had what is possibly his last good game as a Bengal, since he was quoted today saying he's telling the Bengals how to improve their offense and they're "not listening." One would assume he's telling them to trade Carson for a bag of dicks.


ST. A'S CRUSADERS 138.66 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 82.92
Well, well, well. Now THAT'S how you take over a lead. The Crusaders' worst week is 91. They have a 50-point over the next highest scoring team. They have Holmes back and Charles in line for more carries. Look. Out.

The Whiz-Bang Gang is a lot different from a Whiz Gang Bang. Don't mix the two up if you're Googling.


ATLAS SHRUGGZ 117.36 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 57.90
Tony has 65 fewer points than any team in the league. He's being outscored by 140. He's sealed up the #1 pick for 2011 more or less, assuring that he can have Larry Johnson for one last ride. He got 17 points from his defense to cut the lead to 60. But he's probably in his pool right now without a care in the world.

I watched MNF and Brett Favre was not worth 17 points. He was shit and his elbow is officially cooked. But since Brandon Lloyd is the best receiver in the league for absolutely no reason, Favre's problems matter not.


DEATHFROMABOVE 115.34 - LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 101.34
The All Stars finally get warmed up and ready to play and they still lose.

Watching the Cowboys-Titans game, there was one play where the Cowboys didn't seal the edge because Ware rushed inside. Johnson just got the ball, took one step toward that open edge and you could tell right then the play was over for Dallas. Sixty yards later, he was shoved out of bounds. He is electric. So it's nice that he finally outscored Peyton Hillis.

Romo sucks.

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