Thursday, October 21, 2010

WVFL Week 7 Preview

LAST WEEK: 5-1
SEASON: 26-10

I'm going to put my soapbox on top of my ivory tower for a moment here so I can stand WAY up above the fray. This recent kerfuffle about big hits in the NFL is complete and utter bullshit of the highest order. If Bud Selig was half as reactionary as Roger Goodell, Barry Bonds would've been suspended after his 600th home run.

Has anybody even come close to explaining what Dunta Robinson is supposed to do when DeSean Jackson is running across the field at full speed like nothing will happen to him? Try to time it perfectly, miss, and let DeSean pick up 15 more yards? Bend in half and hit DeSean in the gut so his spleen explodes instead? Lay down on the ground so DeSean goes flying head over heels and blows out a knee?

And people should be stoked that James Harrison would consider retiring if he can't continue mauling people. If Dick Butkus said that about a rule change in 1967, the same fat, white sportswriters complaining today would have creamed their too-tight tapered jeans.

On one hit, Cribbs was spun around. On the other, Harrison led with his arm, not his head. It's all such shit.

On to the games!


THE NEV-R-WINS (4-2) at PURPLE SWIRLS (5-1)
Well, I've really backed myself into a corner with this one. Anything less than 100 points and a win is basically a failure. Though winning 71-70 would be pretty hilarious. Yahoo isn't giving me much of a chance for some reason. Maybe they don't realize just how bad the Charger and Jaguar pass defenses are, and how nice Brady and Bowe will be. Plus, is Chris Ivory supposed to struggle against Cleveland or something?

On the other hand, Brees definitely won't struggle against Cleveland. But this is only Week 7, the midpoint of the season. And at the midpoint, the loudmouth prick of a protagonist always knocks down our hero before the hero bounces back at the end.

In case you can't tell from the last four years, I'm the loudmouth prick.

THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 90 - PURPLE SWIRLS 84


THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (2-4) at ATLAS SHRUGGZ (2-4)
What happens when the Colts have a bye? The Elbow ends up starting Cassel, Forsett, and Hightower. And the St. Louis defense? Where the hell did that come from? Nate's lineups are so odd lately that it's possible he's being held hostage somewhere and is trying to send us all a coded message. Let's see...the second letter in Cassel is A, the third in Forsett is R, the third in Rams is M, in Police Academy Hightower was strong...

Oh my God! Nate is being held hostage in the old Armstrong Cork Factory! I heard they were turning it into lofts!

Fred Jackson against Baltimore is one of the things happening in this game. And we know Lloyd is going to get Nnamdied. Who's going to win this turtle dash anyway?

Um...gosh. Either way, it won't take much.

THE PICK: ATLAS SHRUGGZ 71 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 59


BROOKLINE'S FINEST (3-3) at ST. A'S CRUSADERS (5-1)
Sterling Sharpe brought up a good point on Playbook AFC this week. Besides the one about crossing receivers sitting down in the zone instead of continuing to run into the defense. He said it was funny that Favre still can't get in sync with Percy Harvin, but Deion Branch caught 9 balls in his first game back.

By the way, if you aren't watching Playbook AFC and NFC Thursday and Friday, you are seriously missing out.

On another note, the Crusaders offered me a pretty fair trade of Lance Moore for Ricky Williams this week, but I turned it down, saying I didn't want to do anything that could help them out even slightly. Look for Lance Moore to lead the universe in receiving from here on out.

THE PICK: ST. A'S CRUSADERS 104 - BROOKLINE'S FINEST 98


HAWKS (3-3) at IRON CITY POUNDERS (4-2)
Mike Thomas vs. Mike Sims-Walker. Finally, the battle nobody's been waiting for. Two Jaguar receivers on opposing teams, each vying to catch a wobbly Todd Bouman pass. This game also features Patrick Crayton vs. the guy he was forced out of Dallas by, Dez Bryant. And Anquan Boldin vs. Larry Fitzgerald, which used to be an every week battle for fantasy points. Oh, the intrigue!

This game will come to which two players on which team actually do something, assuming everybody else will do about nothing.

THE PICK: HAWKS 75 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 73


DEATHFROMABOVE (3-3) at WHIZ-BANG GANG (4-2)
Seven DFA players go in the early game Sunday, then Romo and Smith finish it out Monday night. That is going to be an interesting 29 1/2 hour gap for DFA there. And although Yahoo is probably getting a little too excited about Peyton Hillis and Ryan Torain, nobody on Earth is getting excited about Ronnie Brown and Robert Meachem.

The only danger DFA is in Monday night is Romo somehow managing a -2.

THE PICK: DEATHFROMABOVE 110 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 80


FIREROCK ROCKERS (0-6) at LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS (1-5)
The Lithium Depression Bowl, brought to you by the "It Gets Better" video series. How bad is this game? Steve Johnson is starting in it. I defy you to tell me what team and what position Steve Johnson represents. Hell, you'd be lucky to tell me what sport Steve Johnson plays.

Here's how this one is going to shake out. TK will have a slight lead after Sunday, 10 points or so. Then it will come down to Brandon Jacobs vs. Felix Jones. Felix will break off an early 30-yard run. Things will look bad.

But TK will hold on when Jacobs scores a garbage time TD to make it 31-17.

THE PICK: FIREROCK ROCKERS 60 - LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 51


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