Tuesday, October 26, 2010

WVFL Week 7 Review

My daughter had a little scab on her wrist tonight that she claimed was bleeding and a serious injury. This puts her on par with Brett Favre. "Daw, shucks, my ankle...if I'm not helpin' the team I'm hurtin' the team and daw better naw be out tere if I'm gonna hurt daw team." Fuck. You. Prick.

Brett Favre makes me angrier than any athlete I can think of in the past 10 years. I think it's because he's both conniving and legitimately dumb, a rare combination.


THE NEV-R-WINS 115.56 - PURPLE SWIRLS 86.54
Another completely pedestrian total for Caulen, only it delivered a loss this time. Witten's two touchdowns Monday night sealed the deal, and all of America is excited about the potential of Witna, Jason Witten and Jon Kitna combined into one super-white and powerful passing combo. Miles Austin dropped a sure touchdown that could've made things exciting and DeAngelo Williams somehow only managed 4.3 points in Carolina's first win.

Dwayne Bowe continued his 2-game streak of beating up bad pass defenses, a fortnight I will look back on fondly in December when he scores 3 points.


ATLAS SHRUGGZ 103.68 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 65.42
Most teams might struggle with Manning and Collie on a bye, but the Elbow managed their normal unimpressive output. Since posting 136 in Week 3, they've scored 51, 60, 74 and now 65. That is some kind of penance. The wrinkliest nun with the hairiest mole you can imagine thinks that's an excessive penance. When Justin Forsett is your best back, not even God can save you.

The pick 6 Favre threw Sunday is the kind of pass that, if a rookie made it, you'd say he wasn't used to the speed of the game yet. It was epically awful. Hakeem Nicks continues being a beast and Steve Smith continues being useless on an absolutely terrible team. If this was the Majors, he'd be traded to Baltimore in Week 14.


ST. A'S CRUSADERS 129.52 - BROOKLINE'S FINEST 107.04
I don't know what got into the Crusaders lately, but they are absolutely destroying people. Turning back opponent like they were playing the Ottoman Empire. Speaking of which, did you know that croissant are crescent-shaped because a Belgian baker first made them to commemorate Europe turning back the Ottoman hordes? It's true! So go out tomorrow morning and have a croissant to celebrate Darren McFadden's insane 43-point week. And keep in mind that Percy Harvin had 2 touchdowns overturned on review, so this game could've been even worse.

Michael Crabtree continues sucking for the Finest, and things aren't looking up with David Carr throwing batted-down passes for the Niners. Wait, hold on. With Troy Smith getting sacked for the Niners.

HAWKS 110.84 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 92.86
Forte had 5 as opposed to 20, but he wasn't as bad as Mike Thomas, who had -2. But, you know, you start Jacksonville's 2nd or 3rd receiving option with Todd Bouman starting, you deserve negative something. The bigger problem for the Pounders is that they're going to lose Larry Fitzgerald soon when he arrested for murdering his quarterback. Max Hall missed an open Fitzgerald by about 10 yards Sunday and Larry threw up his hands in exasperation and murderation.

The Chicago defense posted 18 points in a game they lost, which is always interesting. Ryan Mathews continues to be useless, as does Mike Sims-Walker. But who cares about them? Dez Bryant went out Monday night and won this game by himself!


WHIZ-BANG GANG 112.80 - DEATHFROMABOVE 69.38
Well, I got the winner of this game wrong and I got DFA's total wrong by about 40 points. Last year, everybody had Chris Johnson rated behind AP and he ran for 2,000 yards. This year, everybody had CJ rated at #1 and AP at 2 and now AP is running wild while Johnson struggles. This fantasy game is a fickle woman.

And now Tony Romo, probably the most overrated QB in the league besides Tebow, is done for the year.

Speaking of the Monday night game, I DVR those games so I can watch when I get home from work and I fast forwarded the fourth quarter when it was 38-20. Apparently I missed another 18 points!

Beanie Wells had the quietest 11 points you'll ever see, but Roddy White had an extremely noisy 36. He had 160 yards and a TD by the 2nd quarter. It might be team to quintuple-team him.


LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 133.50 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 104.74
At this point, it's just comical what's happening to TK each week. He's been over 100 points each of the last 2 weeks, but still drops to 0-7. He's had more points against than anybody else almost 30, and has seen sub-.500 teams put up 130+ on him in back to back weeks. He's made 25 roster moves in 7 weeks, not one of which made a damn shred of difference. He got 25 points from STEVE JOHNSON and still lost. I am legitimately curious to see how crazy this season gets for the Rockers.

If the All Stars can get 41 points out of Kenny Britt every week...they're only two games out of the playoffs right now...

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