Saturday, November 20, 2010

WVFL Week 11 Preview

LAST WEEK: 5-1
SEASON: 40-20

THE NEV-R-WINS (8-2) at FIREROCK ROCKERS (1-9)
As if it wasn't bad enough watching Tyler Thigpen play QB like a bass that just landed in a canoe Thursday night, we also had to listen to Matt Millen again. Matt Millen, to be direct, is a fucking moron. If he says something happened on a given play, assume the opposite. He's so unbelievably awful that JOE THEISMANN makes fun of him in the booth.

And on top of that, TK and I had to watch our 4 Miami players put up a combined 11 points. Rough.

Did you know that Dwayne Bowe leads the league in touchdown receptions? It's true! Non-segue to...I need the GB/MIN game to be 41-35 with Shiancoe, Jennings and AP.

Mike Wallace is going to get the Nnamdi treatment possibly, but I think he can probably run by him. Ben literally doesn't have the arm strength to keep up with Wallace. He's constantly underthrowing him. I think every other QB would too. Ben should just heave it downfield as soon as Wallace has gone 10 yards.

I'm 1-1 against the Kress family so far this year, making this one an incredibly exciting rubber match.

THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 91 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 81


THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (4-6) at LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS (2-8)
The loser of this one agrees in perpetuity throughout the universe that the victor's favorite Il Piccolo Forno cookie is superior. Chocolate crinkle! Apple mele! Which treat will reign supreme?

By the way, when nobody was looking, the Elbow quietly became the most anemic offense in the league, despite being 2 games up on the All Stars and 3 up on the Rockers. Their best effort since Week 3 was 77 points. Don't expect them to go too much farther than that this week.

Josh Freeman wins real football games, but I'm not sure 210 yards and 1 TD wins a lot of fantasy football games. But you can't argue with the All Stars' coterie of slightly below average running backs.

THE PICK: LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 82 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 75


BROOKLINE'S FINEST (5-5) at WHIZ-BANG GANG (8-2)
Brookline really crimped their playoff standings by graciously giving the Rockers their hymen-breaking win last week, so they really need this win. Fortunately, Eli is going to pile up the points in a stunning upset, Owens will get at least 2 TDs and Janikowski will make 4 field goals while Shaun Suisham goes 1 for 3.

If you want to get the Bang Gangers all riled up, just tell them they're overrated despite their 8-2 record. You'll get an email back full of charts, tables, biometric line graphs and actuarial predictions of a strong finish. It's a touchy subject.

Speaking of which, Skip Henry is pushing irate about the Northwestern game in Wrigley Field only using one end zone like some backyard game because the brick wall is 6 inches behind the other end zone. What are the chances that when they were first scoping out Wrigley to see if it could host a game, they only measured 100 yards instead of 120?

THE PICK: BROOKLINE'S FINEST 98 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 91


HAWKS (6-4) at DEATHFROMABOVE (3-7)
Yahoo is predicting 14 points for Reggie Bush even though he's a game-time decision to return from an injury that kept him out for 8 weeks. That is completely insane. I haven't seen a more amusing number since last week's poll that showed most voters still hate Republicans and don't want them to cut any actual spending even though that's all they talked about for 2 years. We are a really stupid country sometimes.

Also stupid? Thinking DFA will win this one.

THE PICK: HAWKS 105 - DEATHFROMABOVE 94


IRON CITY POUNDERS (6-4) at ATLAS SHRUGGZ (4-6)
Getting 34 fantasy points out of a 16-0 game is an impressive feat. I guess those shutouts go a long way. But with Floyd still hurt, Fitzgerald still held hostage by Derek Anderson and Andre Johnson getting Revissed (the extra S is for shut down), the offensive outburst won't continue.

Brandon Lloyd will finish this one off Monday night in garbage time.

THE PICK: ATLAS SHRUGGZ 88 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 85


PURPLE SWIRLS (6-4) at ST. A'S CRUSADERS (7-3)
These teams could have the same record come Tuesday despite being separated by 200 points. 200!

Caulen already knows Brees is going to outscore Vick this week, because that's just how life goes. I agree with this sentiment, since the Giants' front four will be able to run more of a contain pocket on Vick. Thomas Jones is seeing fewer carries and Keiland Williams is not the answer to any of life's problems.

Oh, I just realized that the Crusaders have Jamaal Charles. Well now. All of those second half carries in a Chiefs blowout just got a lot more interesting. Although it's going to be severely bad times if Gates is a late Monday scratch. Even if the Crusaders cleverly lined up Randy McMichael as an emergency backup. McMichael hasn't been good since one game five years ago.

THE PICK: ST. A'S CRUSADERS 110 - PURPLE SWIRLS 85

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