Pumpkin pie is in the oven, I've cracked a pint can of Beamish and and I just realized that I never wrote of review of Week 11. Well, we can't live in the past.
These picks are almost made on spec since lineups could change between Hump Day and the Lord's Day (the Lord's Day +1 if you're Jewish), but life itself is mercurial and ever-changing, so deal with it.
THE NEV-R-WINS (9-2) at WHIZ-BANG GANG (9-2)
This 5-Star prime time blowout is also a crucial game for playoff seedings. The Crusaders will likely roll the All Stars this week and move to 9-3 before getting the currently 4-7 Shruggz in Week 13. The Nev-R-Wins get The Anemic Elbow in Week 13, while the WBG face a tough Hawks team in the season finale.
SO! It's entirely possible that whichever team has their 6-game win streak snapped this week will not receive a first round bye. They'll sell you the whole seat for this game, but you'll only need the edge!
Yahoo has Arian Foster pegged for 25 points this week, which borders absurd. A savvy pickup of an injured Jonathan Stewart pays off this week when he returns, doubly so because the WBG need a running back to replace the pined Ahmad Bradshaw. AP will profit from the new coach bump the Vikings will see in DC.
The WBG signed Nev-R-Wins castoff Chris Ivory in an attempt to learn our audible calls, but we've already changed them, so Ivory in the flex will have no added benefit.
THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 120 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 90
THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (4-7) at BROOKLINE'S FINEST (5-6)
Earlier this week, Scott Henry made a Facebook post that anybody who didn't want to be invasively scanned at an airport this week should just drive for the holidays. This whole TSA thing being a pet peeve of mine, I countered that you're much more likely to be killed by a car accident than a terrorist bomb, especially over the holidays.
Here are the numbers for Americans in 2009:
- 33,000+ auto fatalities
- 390 auto fatalities over Thanksgiving weekend
- 25 deaths from terrorist acts
- 34 from lightning
You are 15 times more likely to be killed if you drive this weekend. And even if Al Qaeda managed to bring down a 747 with a crotch bomb this weekend, that would kill about as many Americans as the car accidents would, and they yearly total would only be about 1% of car accidents.
He countered that Americans should just get in line, follow the rules and shut up. I argued that he has the same attitude as a British soldier from 1770 and we're stupidly turning our asses inside out trying to prevent the last terrorist attack, and that they've already moved on to cargo bombs.
You'll find this impossible to believe, but this online argument did not end in agreement.
What does this have to do with football? Nothing! What does this have to do with fantasy football? Even less! But I hate how illogical this country is at times (all times) and I hate when people don't agree with my well thought out points.
Why is it that we're willing to submit ourselves to rub and tugs "in the name of safety," but we raise a ruckus when peanut butter is banned from grade school or playgrounds get 3 inches of padded rubber under the swings "in the name of safety?" Vanity and self-absorbtion. We all assume we'll be on the one plane in 10 years that blows up, but because our kids don't have a peanut allergy, or aren't clumsy, or we've been lifelong smokers without any problems, that nothing bad will happen.
It is sheer lunacy and we are a nation of fools.
Speaking of numbers, Brookline must win this game and run up the score if they want to stay alive in the playoff hunt.
THE PICK: BROOKLINE'S FINEST 99 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 70
HAWKS (6-5) at FIREROCK ROCKERS (1-10)
A win doesn't officially clinch a playoff spot for the Hawks, but it sure would go a long way. So it's a pretty good time to be playing the Rockers.
The good news for TK is that he has about 99% chance to hold the #1 pick next August. The bad news, this is our first keeper year, so we have absolutely no idea who will be available. A 2011 #1 overall of Tony Gonzalez won't be that much of a catch.
The 2007 dream backfield of Tomlinson and Jackson is still going strong, and Rivers is going to shred the Colts secondary Sunday night.
Meanwhile, on the other side, Brandon Jacobs will be benched after he fumbles in the first quarter, so whatever.
THE PICK: HAWKS 110 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 85
IRON CITY POUNDERS (7-4) at DEATHFROMABOVE (4-7)
These two teams have the same amount of points for, but inverse records. The 150-point difference in Points Against probably has something to do with it.
40% of the DFA lineup is missing Thanksgiving dinner, so we'll have a really good idea of how far the Pounders have to go come Friday morning. Of course, with Kitna, Ochocinco, Gronkowski and the Saints D being the 40%, it probably won't be very far. Then again, Chris Johnson and Rush Limbaugh's new favorite player - Peyton Hillis - will be the main draw on Sunday.
The Pounders will need about 30 points from Fitzgerald and Vernon Davis Monday night to pull off a comeback win, and Derek Anderson and Troy Smith throwing the ball will be quite the frustrating spectacle. I only wish I could watch that game with the Pounders and transcribe the conversation.
THE PICK: DEATHFROMABOVE 90 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 80
PURPLE SWIRLS (6-5) at ATLAS SHRUGGZ (4-7)
Crucial game for the Swirls, as a loss by them brings DFA right into the playoff picture. And actually, if was a blowout, the Shruggz as well.
With Smith and Nicks out, Manningham should tear up an atrocious Jaguars pass D, but Thomas Jones won't do a thing against Seattle, and I'm picking a Bears upset, so Vick and McCoy should be limited. That leaves Keiland Williams and Miles Austin, which...which is not so good.
The Shruggz will continue their strategy of starting both Bronco receivers. Incidentally, the Broncos are 3-7 and the Shruggz are 4-7. And Kyle Orton is #8! He also has two Jets in what should be a low-scoring Thursday night snoozer and the San Diego D against Peyton Manning in prime time.
The Swirls' playoffs are trending up, are so are the boners of teams who could face the Swirls in the first round.
THE PICK: PURPLE SWIRLS 80 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 68
ST. A'S CRUSADERS (8-3) at LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS (3-8)
Well, the league will have two 9-3 teams come Tuesday. We could go into details, but I haven't I talked long enough?
THE PICK: ST. A'S CRUSADERS 115 - LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 93