Monday, November 29, 2010

WVFL Week 12 Review

THE NEV-R-WINS 143.84 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 94.56
In my last 3 games against them, I've beaten the WBG by an average of 48 points. Last year when I won the title, it was the first time that I ever did better than awful and now I have the best WVFL regular season since 2005 when Nate rode Larry Johnson, Ladanian Tomlinson and Doug Gabriel to a 12-1 record and 1,529 points.

(NOTE: The best WVFL Yahoo total ever was from TK's Go Deep squad in 2003, when they put up 1,667 points, but that was a 14-game season.)

In other words, I'm perfectly set up to fall completely on my face in the second round of the playoffs. I say second round, because this win essentially clinched a top 2 seed and a bye.

Dwayne Bowe continues to go off, and Sunday's 170 yards and 3 TDs was the best game by a receiver since Jerry Rice in the early '90s. Arian Foster had 21.8 points strictly on yardage amd Tom Brady stuffed himself full of points on Thanksgiving Day. Even the Seattle defense managed to block a punt and score before being shredded by the Chiefs and...Dwayne Bowe.

I am Icarus! Nobody can stop me! Look at how high I'm flying!


BROOKLINE'S FINEST 82.32 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 62.70
Nate does not have Tomlinson or Doug Gabriel this season, so things are not going nearly as well. They do have Cedric Benson and Justin Forsett, which probably explains the discrepancy.

Brookline's did themselves a big favor by winning this one, though they could've used more points. Perhaps from Terrell Owens, who called Darelle Revis and average corner before being held to 17 yards. Or from Frank Gore, who got injured early in the game. He was so excited to be facing such a bad Cardinals defense that his muscles exploded off of his bones and he missed the rest of the game. And Rashard Spindenhall finally got hit on the ball during a spin and dropped one, something I've been waiting all season for.

(NOTE: It was actually Gore's hip and he's now out for the season. Perfect timing for a must-win Week 13 game.)

By the way, as revenge for me using the one-sided bully pulpit (like Bill O'Reilly would!) to mock his beliefs on airline security, Scott Henry showed up to my door Sunday, twisted my nuts and left without a word. And he had to fly all the way to Los Angeles to do so! I admire that commitment.


FIREROCK ROCKERS 82.32 - HAWKS 50.80
The Hawks have picked the worst possible time to go through a 3-game losing streak and the worstest possible time to only post 50 points. Rather than moving into 4th place and feeling good, they are now in a 5-way dogfight for one of the final two playoff spots.

But when your kicker is your best scorer, the potential league MVP has 8 points, Dez Bryant has a 0 and new honorary Grand Dragon of the KKK Danny Woodhead has 4.5, you have to reap what you sow.

It doesn't really matter at this point, but since I don't want to condescend to TK and ignore his team...why do you have 2 defenses, and then bench the really good one playing at home against an epically bad offense on a 2-8 team? So you could play the defense on the road against an 8-2 team with a suddenly frisky offense?

But hey, let's look at the bright side. The Rockers are 1-0 in their last 1 game.


DEATHFROMABOVE 100.92 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 80.78
The fuel is low, the aileron is coming loose and it's skimming the treetops, but this bird is still technically aloft. And the Pounders missed a chance to officially tap a playoff spot.

I may be the only person that cares, but I did mention in the preview that the Pounders would need about 30 points from Fitzgerald and Davis Monday night to win. I hit that right on the noggin, as well as the fact that watching Anderson and Smith try to throw to them would be quite aggravating. In fact, even with all of the stats the NFL keeps, it is impossible to quantify how terrible Derek Anderson is.

It's just a shame that Andre Johnson didn't get 6 points for every punch he landed on Cortland Finnegan.

DFA drafted Vincent Jackson hoping he'd miss 4 games and get traded. He ended up missing 10 games because his own team triple suspended him or something. When he finally returned, DFA eagerly and immediately inserted him into the starting lineup, only to watch him tweak one calf, try to play through it and tweak the other calf. Now he's out two more weeks.

But Peyton Hillis has more than picked up the slack. In touchdowns, yards and veiled announcer references to race. Speaking of slack, Chris Johnson had 5 yards rushing Sunday. That's #1 overall pick Chris Johnson, mind you.


ATLAS SHRUGGZ 127.18 - PURPLE SWIRLS 88.58
.500 or better for 0 more weeks. Caulen lost the Brees/Vick conundrum, not that it mattered, and all of his Keiland Williams carping was rewarded with 2 points. The Mike Goodson television production was benched despite stellar rating this week, again, not that it mattered.

The creatives of the Shruggz brought their immense talents back into the free market after sitting out most of the season, keeping faint playoff hopes alive. And it was touchdowns galore for the Shruggz. 4 for Cutler, 2 for Lloyd, 2 for San Diego, a long one for Fred Jackson and one for Turner.


ST. A'S CRUSADERS 94.54 - LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 72.76
I twisted Webster's arm to get him back into football this season and this is how it went. It's like I picked a restaurant for his birthday dinner and his salad had a worm in it. And then Knowshon Moreno has a good game for no reason to just rub it in. Not cool, Knowshon.

Jamaal Charles had 2 more carries than Thomas Jones, but 105 more yards. And it might have been the first time all season Charles had more carries than Jones. I'm not going to call Todd Haley an idiot, but...I'll just point out that he goes for it on 4th down on a completely random basis. Like going for 4th and 2 from the Chief 40, then punting on 4th and 3 from the opponent's 38. Also, he's an idiot.

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