But hey, now that we've gone to a keeper league, whatever happens this postseason, I still have the guys that would be the first two overall picks in 2011.
THE NEV-R-WINS 141.84 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 97.40
It was unnecessary for Tom Brady to post 30 points Monday night, and almost certainly tacky, but we needed to see just how far we could take things. Dwayne Bowe ended the greatest 7-game stretch by a receiver in 17 years with a resounding 0 catches, which is what kept me short of 150 points and a much higher tax bracket. Lucky break.
It's two straight weeks that The Nevs posted 140+ and the largest margin of victory, and the entire team was so amazing, that I barely have time to point out how brilliant I was to pluck an injured Jonathan Stewart off of the free agent pile for a playoff run. Man, so brilliant.
Despite flirting with triple digits this week, the Elbow finished with the fewest overall points this season, coming up 19.9 short of the Rockers despite having two more wins. Whoever the second-best available player is in the 2011 draft, that's who Nate will get.
LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 99.94 - BROOKLINE'S FINEST 63.64
The All Stars came alive when it didn't matter, winning 2 of their 3 last and dropping a spot in the draft order. But they can build on this! BenJarvus Green-Ellis had 20 points on the bench, but Reggie Wayne had 30 points in the lineup, and Flacco and Freeman are both intriguing enough that it'll be interesting to see if Webster keeps either one.
Brookline scored around 60 in 2 of their last 3 and came up 45 points short of the final playoff berth. Or they could've, you know, beaten one of the league's worst teams in the final week to clinch a spot. When you come this close to the playoffs and points decide who gets in and who doesn't, there are probably a dozen different lineup decision you could point to as difference makers. One bad lineup decision? Having Carnell Williams.
WHIZ-BANG GANG 99.22 - HAWKS 95.60
Better change up the playbooks, because these two will face each other again in the Wild Card round, with the WBG looking to go 3-0 against the Hawks this season. Might not be too hard, as the Hawks have lost 4 straight now. Plus, Sims-Walker and Dez are both hurt for the Hawks.
The Whiz-Bang Gang finished with the fewest points against this season, and an actuary could probably figure out some relationship between that stat and them finishing 10-3. By the way, in my two wins, I accounted for a full 24% of the points against that WBG saw this season. In fact, Whiz-Bang Gang's standing is probably perfect, since they lost to the two teams above them and beat all of the teams below them. I guess they are a median team.
IRON CITY POUNDERS 85.40 - FIREROCK ROCKERS 84.98
The tightest game of the week was also the least consequential. The Pounders were in the playoffs either way, and the Rockers had the #1 pick locked up either way. So it's fitting that it was decided by a single Braylon Edwards reception.
Maurice Jones-Drew and Brandon Jacobs had big running days for the Rockers, but their highlight might have been Dan Carpenter kicking a 60-yard field goal. Unfortunately, the Rockers scored too many points and the Pounders not enough, so the Rockers missed out on the worst record, the fewest points and most against hat trick. That at least would've been something to talk about at Christmas parties.
The Pounders finished as part of the 1180s, the 4 teams that scored 1180-some points this year. The Pounders were the best of the bunch at 8-5, the Swirls were 7-6, the Hawks 6-7 and Deathfromabove 5-8. And, you'll never believe this, the points against for each progress from low to high in that exact same order.
PURPLE SWIRLS 102.98 - DEATHFROMABOVE 61.78
This game ended up being the most direct playoff decider. Whoever won was getting in. DFA did not win.
2-5 in their last 7, the Swirls have gone over 100 in the 3 of the last 4. What do all of these numbers mean? The Swirls will almost certainly be your next WVFL champion. Vick and McCoy continue tearing it up, though Austin is done with Kitna and Goodson is done with Stewart and Blurg is done with Shenan. (NOTE: I made those last two up.)
After a terrific 2009, the window slammed shut on DFA, and now the front office has to ask some hard questions. Questions like, Do I give more contract years to Peyton Hillis or Chris Johnson and, Could I get away with murdering Vincent Jackson?
ST. A'S CRUSADERS 95.08 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 58.06
The Crusaders and I have actually arranged a team vacation together next week during the bye. We're going to Knoxville, TN to see the Sunsphere from the 1984 Worlds Fair.
I'm bringing up this next point not to boast (which I've done more than my share of), but to point out just how insane preseason fantasy rankings are every single year. The Shruggz took Turner, Greene and Pierre Thomas with their first 3 picks. I got Arian Foster at the end of the 4th round. Not one single fantasy "expert" would've thought anything wrong with that whole scenario. I would've been happy to get Shonn Greene, in fact.
That entire threesome had ONE more point this season than Foster did all by himself. Nobody knows anything in August. That's all we know.
It's no accident that the Crusaders earned a playoff bye with a 10-3 record, but it's entirely possible that a 3-10 Denver team with a new coach gives Tim Tebow an extended look in Week 15, which will either screw the Crusaders in game, or force them to start Ben against the Jets defense. Tebow ruining the season of a team named the Crusaders would be both hilarious and awesome. Their God is an awesome God.