FIREROCK ROCKERS 132.60 - THE NEV-R-WINS 112.22
How bad is my 2011 karmic retribution tour going to be? Well, Arian Foster went out early and his backup (on my bench) had a great day. I sat Santonio Holmes because I thought the Jets would go easy with him, and not only did he score a TD by 10:15am, I was playing against him in my other league. I scored 112 and lost by 20. TK's tight end, kicker and defense combined for 9.7 points, and he still scored 132.
By the way, I had the best team and lost in the playoffs last year. If anything, I should be 15-0 this season as karmic retribution. So what am I being punished for?! That crazy ass draft? If so, then this is more like some "Twilight Zone" episode where winning the lottery somehow gives a guy brain cancer.
HAWKS 136.82 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 59.88
The game we all knew the Elbow was capable of. When Tim Hightower is your best player of the week by far, you won't be counting up your points for very long. Earlier this week, Football Outsiders examined the age-old question whether a receiver's stats are indicative of the receiver's ability or the quality of his quarterback. Austin Collie and Vernon Davis probably have very strong opinions on this subject.
Desean Jackson had 2 points. Partially because he got hurt, and partially because Jeremy Maclin was hogging all of the points for himself. After being sick with whatever this summer, this game from Maclin rivals Lemieux returning from Hodgkin's and winning the scoring title. The Hawks were so confident about this win that they started Dexter McCluster a week early.
By the way, Nate Kress, you win the blowout loser of the week award! Your prize is the right to write the Week 3 preview! Come on down to collect your prize. I'm sure you have a few things to get off your chest.
ST. A'S CRUSADERS 128.42 - LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 107.22
It's a goddamn shame the All Stars lost this one, because they probably won't be over 100 points for the rest of the season.
Remember in that weak ass preview when I said the Crusaders had 4 great running backs and could trade one of them for a better receiver? One of those backs stepped on the first down marker Sunday and blew out his knee. So long, Jamaal Charles! Todd Haley will probably be gone by the time you're ready to play again.
IRON CITY POUNDERS 140.16 - WHIZ-BANG GANG 94.72
Speaking of Todd Haley, the Chiefs have been outscored 89-10 this season. The WBG have been outscored 308-166. The 2nd-highest Points Against so far is 250. You think I have a persecution complex? Talking to Larry right now is like talking to the offspring of Mel Gibson and Sarah Palin.
Inflation may or may not be coming to the American economy. Hard to say, as there's nothing left to inflate. But inflation has definitely come to fantasy football. The Pounders had the most points this week, went over 100 both weeks, and are still only the 5th-highest scoring team in the league. They had 140 with Mike Williams putting up -0.4! His only touch was a reception for a 4-yard loss, and that was a fly on the windshield.
DEATHFROMABOVE 137.40 - BROOKLINE MCKENRY FORT 85.60
The more I think about it, the less I understand Skip Henry's team name. I had to Google this Pirate guy since I've cut baseball and ESPN out of my life. His nickname is "The Fort" and his last name is McKenry. I don't know what any of this has to do with Brookline and why the three words are in this particular order. Here's what I do know - this team sucks.
Starting little Darren Sproles, who is a third-string change of pace back and kick returner, and getting 12 points from him is borderline genius. And the one-handed falling TD catch Vincent Jackson made deserved at least 5 bonus points for style.
ATLAS SHRUGGZ 124.06 - PURPLE SWIRLS 121.68
The Kresses only made it to 3-3 this week, not the 6-0 I was predicting, which is a terrific letdown. Though apparently there's a cousin or something that I wasn't accounting for. I won't point out that Caulen would've won had he started Brees over Vick (Guess what? I secretly just pointed it out! Hee hee!), but I do feel confident that Caulen hopes Vick sits this week just so he doesn't have to make the decision again.
Brandon Lloyd's surprise late scratch almost boned the Shruggz with a surprise 0, but Nicks' touchdown and Manningham's falling concussion catch provided just enough Monday points for the come from behind victory.
Wouldn't have been enough had Brees started, but whatever.