Between the two fantasy leagues and the one confidence picks pool and the one survivor league pool I'm in, I've reached a point where every single NFL play has both a positive and negative effect on me in some way. Each momentary high is immediately balanced out by a reciprocal low. It's really the pinnacle of Gen X emotional neutrality.
WHIZ-BANG GANG 106.58 - THE NEV-R-WINS 86.58
Before the games started on Sunday, Larry texted me that he hoped if he lost, he at least got blown out so he could continue to complain about his rotten luck. This is the attitude of chubby office managers who have cats and a neverending string of physical maladies. If it's not her knee, it's her wrists. And don't even get her started on her back!
Instead, Rodgers and Ahmad Bradshaw lit it up, and even Dwayne Bowe - angry that he didn't make my keeper list this season - showed up for a touchdown. So the office manager won $5,000 at the Rivers Casino and immediately blew it on a trip to Toronto to see "Phantom of the Opera" for the 10th time.
Hey, remember when everybody thought I was going to dominate this league with my amazing lineup? That was a fun couple of days.
ST. A'S CRUSADERS 132.56 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 70.70
Whereas the Crusaders are actually dominating the league. Darren McFadden had 34 points against what most people consider to be the best defense in the league and even Ben had 15 in a pretty terrible game. It's going to be half a tragedy when the Crusaders lose in the playoffs.
A full tragedy would be the Elbow lineup. All three Elbow receivers combined for 8.9 points, which is what Calvin Johnson scored on a single play touchdown. On the bright side, the Elbow have absolutely no hope of getting better, and they don't even have good players they can trade for 2012 draft picks.
DEATHFROMABOVE 113.80 - LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 95.32
It's a crying shame the All Stars lost a game in which they scored so many points. In fact, they've scored an average of 101 the last two weeks and lost both. Reggie Wayne has joined a support group run by Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Smith to learn how they dealt with bad QB season that suddenly killed their stats. The answer? A lot of yelling.
Wes Welker had 217 yards and 2 TDs Sunday, which was good for 40.60 points. Jermike Finley had 3 touchdowns, which netted him 26 points. Pinball has come to fantasy football, and these are interesting times indeed.
IRON CITY POUNDERS 105.50 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 77.52
The Shruggz have two big name players that suck. Roy Williams, everybody knows he sucks. He dropped a clear touchdown Sunday, proving the theory of everybody but Roy Williams that he sucks. The other player, which may surprise some, is Michael Turner. He has zero burst these days, and even a massive hole in the line only nets 10-15 yards because he can't pull away from the defense any more. So when you have these two guys sucking on your team, your team is going to suck.
Rob Gronkowski had 22 points. The Buffalo-New England game was spinning the dials like somebody putting 91 octane into their car these days.
BROOKLINE MCKENRY FORT 95.38 - HAWKS 89.44
There have been 18 game winners thus far this season, and only two of them didn't crack 100. The Rockers in Week 1 and the Forts right here. The fact that Kenny Britt only had one catch, which he then fumbled because his knee exploded, probably did not help the Hawks in this one. In fact, it directly hurt them, as Britt posted a -0.2 Also not helping was Philip Rivers throwing pick after pick in a game that should've been a blowout and only posting 8.44 points.
It would've been really interesting if Brookline lost because of Ocho's clearly dropped touchdown.
FIREROCK ROCKERS 133.40 - PURPLE SWIRLS 117.90
TK momentarily considered benching Sexy Rexy for Monday night's game as a sort of virtual endzone dance. But he ended up starting him and pocketing 11 more points for playoff standings. It's hard to believe Stevie Johnson only had 15 points, because every time the Red Zone channel cut to that game, he was catching another 20 yard pass.
By the way, last year Firerock earned their third win in Week Never. They were 2-11. It's a Bills-like turnaround for the man who has...hey, look at that! Two Bills on his team!
In their two losses, the Swirls have faced 133 and 126 points. In their one win, they faced 71. So they can beat the bad teams at least. The Swirls have scored 407 points. Brookline and the Elbow have scored 246 and 238, respectively. All of those teams are 1-2.
The good news is, Caulen finally got the Brees/Vick problem right for one week, though mainly because Vick was likely to miss the game.