THE NEV-R-WINS 107.34 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 69.12
What do you want me to do? Brag about dunking on an 8-foot rim? I mean, I will if you ask me to, but...
For the record, I am not one of those fantasy nuts who was happy about Foster's late TD to beat the Steelers. Sure, that was mainly because I was playing the Elbow and knew I didn't need it, but still, I have integrity.
Brian Hartline only had 3 points, in what must qualify as the surprise of the century. And Tim Hightower somehow found a way to get himself benched while his team was comfortably winning a game.
Side note - I was the lowest scoring winner this week. The days of the 82-78 win seem to be well behind us.
LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 109.06 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 91.06
Jeff Webster was out relaxing on a stream bed, so he unfortunately missed the All Stars' first win of the year. Unless he was back by Monday night, when he could've watched LeGarette Blount's 35-yard touchdown run seal the deal.
The Raiders decided that Gronkowski was not going to beat them, and limited him to one catch. All that did was let the other Patriots beat them, while keeping the Pounders from winning. Even with a 200-yard game from Forte. Speaking of which, the Bears had something like 10 rushes in Week 3, then declared Martz had to call more rushing plays. So Forte rushed for 205. Which means more rushing plays this week, which the Lions can actually stop, which means a bad game for Forte, which means another 50 pass calls for Martz in Week 6. Fun stuff, Bears fans!
FIREROCK ROCKERS 122.54 - HAWKS 99.18
Iiiii got a feeeeelllling...Firerock's goin' to the Super Bowl! When you're getting 32 points from your defense in a game that sets a record for bad QB play and return touchdowns, things are going your way. When a player stumbles, hits the ground and leaves the ball behind, but the refs blow the play down and your QB throws a TD on the very next play, things are going your way. When your kicker misses two field goals, blowing the game for his team but still giving you 11 points, things are going your way.
Look for these tidbits and more on Jeff Foxworthy's new motivational podcast, "Things Are Going Your Way If..."
Anquan Boldin got outscored by Eric Decker by 15 points.
ST. A'S CRUSADERS 130.34 - PURPLE SWIRLS 108.04
The Crusaders are the other half of our league's 1%, and Caulen is so mad about this fantasy football season right now that he's going to join Occupy Wall Street just to put his anger to productive use.
He lost the Brees/Vick guesstimate once again, and pulled Beanie Wells in favor of Reggie Bush. On paper, not such a bad move. Blank paper. If you fill that paper in with Wells' 31 points and Bush's 7, it doesn't look so good, I guess.
Right now, Jimmy Graham and Calvin Johnson are the two hardest to cover players at their respective positions. The Crusaders have both of them.
DEATHFROMABOVE 133.74 - WHIZ BANG GANG 132.62
Please do not mention the following things to Larry this week, please:
1 - Aaron Rodgers had 51 points
2 - He had the second-highest point total this week and lost
3 - He has 528 points against so far, the most by a 60-point gap.
4 - Dallas Clark only need 12 more receiving yards with 12:00 left in the game Monday night.
Yes, please avoid any discussion of the above topics.
Oh, I just thought of a 5th thing.
5 - Dan Bailey had 13 points for DFA. Had Larry realized Bailey was now the Dallas kicker and not Buehler, perhaps he would have drafted Bailey instead of Buehler and possibly won this game.
ATLAS SHRUGGZ 126 - BROOKLINE MCKENRY FORT 84.52
In "Atlas Shrugged," the fantastical hero gets tired of paying taxes and simply stops creating things. And because he is the focus of a very terrible book, the world falls apart. Perhaps our friends in the 1% will get tired of a bunch of student loan deadbeats sullying their sidewalks and quit creating future trades, and we can finally put this theory to rest.
Back to football. I would like the Shruggz to get their hands on Victor Cruz so they can have the entire Giants receiving corps. Plus, they both have the -z thing going on. It'd be great.
Brookline sucks. They have the same record as the Swirls.