THE NEV-R-WINS 118.46 – ATLAS SHRUGGZ 114.42
The Atlas Shruggz crowed that they were fine with losing this game, if only because Michael Turner outscored AP and Foster combined. I would call that a moral victory at best, because Michael Turner is still terrible. It’s just that Carolina is more terrible.
This game got a little closer than I was hoping Monday night, especially after Matt Moore threw a touchdown pass to Darrelle Revis. Problem – Revis is a Jet. I thought I was happy Sunday when Tom Brady threw the game-winning TD to Aaron Hernandez. In hindsight, I was extremely very much happy.
Giving the Bengal defense a spot start and getting a defensive TD from there officially crosses the line into genius territory. I don’t care if defensive TDs are mostly luck.
DEATHFROMABOVE 62.58 – THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW 38.88
Jesus. CHRIST. How bad are the Elbow? Let me put it this way – Tim Hightower had 0 points on 0 carries this week…and he was only the THIRD-WORST player on the Elbow roster! Pierre Thomas had -0.4 on the bench and Scott Chandler had -0.3 in the lineup. Starting a guy who wasn’t playing ended up being a good move for the Elbow!
Move this team to L.A., already.
Deathfromabove is now 5-1* (*Would’ve lost to literally every team in the league this week except for the Elbow)
BROOKLINE MCKENRY FORT 76.20 – LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 73.98
In this game, the Jets/Dolphins of our league this week (read: shit/snoozefest), the starting tight ends combined for 4 points. All 6 wide receivers combined for 20 points. And, as I predicted Friday, Matt Schaub sucked. He and Matt Ryan are currently fighting to the death for the title of Most Overrated QB.
I unno, how much more can be said about this game? To go on would be like Bourdain reviewing Stouffer’s French bread pizza.
PURPLE SWIRLS 97.68 – IRON CITY POUNDERS 80.02
I can only imagine Caulen’s reaction if he lost this game, and yet DFA went to 5-1 on the “strength” of 62 points. That would’ve been incredible to witness. But he won, moving to a not-at-all respectable 2-4.
Caulen finally got the Brees/Vick choice right, which is clearly the reason he finally won again. Although the 2 points from recent pickup Ryan Torain certainly can’t be overlooked.
Somehow the three-headed receiving beast of Mike Williams, David Nelson and Greg Little didn’t come through for the Pounders, and the entire Starks/Grant running situation is unnecessary to fantasy owners and Green Bay’s playcalling alike.
ST. A’S CRUSADERS 126.80 – HACKS 104.38
The Hacks (nee Hawks) have lost two games this season when scoring 100+ points. At 1-5, they’re now reduced to playing out the string and jostling for draft position. Might as well start Tebow!
John Kasay and DeAngelo Williams were the only Crusaders who didn’t reach double digits this week. DeAngelo, it should be noted, is officially over as a useful back for fantasy purposes. Carolina is scoring a lot of points while losing a lot of games, and constantly being behind is not good for the running attack. At least Carolina gave him $40 million this summer.
WHIZ-BANG GANG 104.20 – FIREROCK ROCKERS 97.78
Remember when I called this upset on Friday? I sure do. TK benched Brandon Marshall in favor of Victor Cruz, which was probably the right play considering Darrelle Revis’ involvement. However, because fantasy football is a stone cold bitch of a fickle mistress, that decision cost him the win. Marshall had 10 points and could’ve had about 25 had he not psyched himself out before the game so thoroughly.
Cruz had 1.2 points, while Ahmad Bradshaw had 3 TDs and 31 points. So not only did Bradshaw’s juicy TD explosion give points to Larry, it kept points away from Eli and Cruz. It’s nice when things work out so perfectly like that.